


Holding on and letting go

by orsidelena



Category: Football RPF
Genre: FC Barcelona, Football | Soccer, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-14 18:56:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 36,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3421829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orsidelena/pseuds/orsidelena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Read the same story on wattpad here: http://www.wattpad.com/story/30357731-holding-on-and-letting-go</p></blockquote>





	1. Strange feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the same story on wattpad here: http://www.wattpad.com/story/30357731-holding-on-and-letting-go

Neymar was laying in his bed staring at the ceiling, and he knew that he's incapable of falling asleep right now. He looked at the clock. It's almost two a.m. What's wrong with him? Why is he so excited? What is this feeling inside of him that just doesn't allow him to sleep? He had tons of questions. But still, staring at the little crack on the ceiling seemed a better idea than to try to find some answers to his questions, because if he found them, it would cause much more questions, and he could never sleep anymore.

„Ah man, this is not gonna work.” -he said to himself.

He got up and went to the kitchen, trying to make some tea, but he dropped the glass with the water, and it broke, allowing to fly millions of little pieces of glass all over the kitchen.

Neymar didn't even bother himself cleaning it up, he felt like he had enough of everything already. He sat on the couch putting his legs up on the coffee table, and turned on the TV.

The first programme that came up was the kids channel, with annoying little bears dancing around a table.

Neymar smiled. This was Davi Lucca's favorite TV show.

Davi Lucca. Oh, how he missed him. It's been a while since he went to his mom, and he was coming back to Neymar in a few more weeks.

Ney hated the kids channel, but he still decided to watch it, looking for the feeling of Davi being beside him, happily laughing at the silly jokes the bears make.

 

 

He woke up to his ringing phone several hours later. What the hell? Did he fall asleep on the couch? What a shame! He was hoping that he wouldnt be sore after this uncomfortable sleeping position. He decided to not answer his phone. Why can't everybody just leave him alone when he is so sleepy? The world is so cruel. Then he heard his notification ringtone. He got a message.

Alright, it must be something very urgent, so he decided to open the message. It was from Dani.

 

 

Message to Neymar:

„Man, where the hell are you? Everyone is waiting for you!

 

Oh shit, right, he forgot. He had to go to training today. And he was already late!

He got up with a lightspeed and ran to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. Then he ran to dress up. What should he wear? It was one of the hardest decisions every single day. Finally, he chose a funny T-shirt and dark jeans.

„Just like always” -he laughed lightly.

He went to the mirror to do something with his hair, because it looked all messy.

He spread a little bit of hair gel on his hand, and carefully ran his fingers through his hair. Perfect. Now he can go to the training.

 

He went outside to his car, and got in. Something was still missing. The keys. He forgot the keys.

 

He got out of the car and he was laughing at his own clumsiness. But the smile on his face faded away when he realized he had no idea where he had left the keys.

He looked for it everywhere. At the end he found it under his shoe cabinet. How did it even get there? He must have dropped it when he arrived home yesterday, and then he didnt realize that he would need it the next day too. He always did this. He was a very messy person.

Anyways, he got in the car again, and this time he had the keys, so he could go to training.

 

The training centre was close to his house, and 5 minutes later he was already there.

At the front door, Dani was waiting for him, and he angrily murmured some Portuguese

swear words at Neymar, but Neymar didnt even care, he just went to the dressing room and started to change his clothes silently.

 

„Man, what is wrong with you?” - Dani asked.

„Nothing, I just couldn't sleep well.” - Neymar answered.

„ And why couldn't you sleep well????” - Dani asked highering his voice this time.

 

Neymar shrugged. Dani could be so annoying sometimes, but he loved him, he was one of his best friends.

 

„Ney, you know you can count on me if you have problems, I will always be here for you.”

He nodded.

 

They went to the training ground, saying hi to all of their teammates.

Neymar felt the cold air reaching his earlobe, and he thought that this day would be shit, just like usually.

 

And then he saw him. And the world just got a better place. Again.


	2. It is what it is

Neymar has always been a very confident guy, he knew about himself that every girl loved him, even thought he had done some crazy things, for example not so long ago he dyed his beard into white, and he looked like the Brazilian Santa himself.

And he loved being so popular, loved taking selfies with fans, and loved talking to them, and his confidence showed up in every words he had said, every looks had gave, every movements he had done.

 

 

And yet, there was one thing that could take his confidence away, and make him act like a shy little kid. And that one thing was not even a thing, but a person. And that person's name was Leo Messi.

 

 

He was his number one idol and also his teammate. He literally came to FC Barcelona just to play alongside him, to train every day with him, to celebrate his goals hugging him, and just casually to be able to call him any time he needed help or just needed friend. And for Neymar all of it was allowed and possible. And every moment he got to spend with him, he appreciated.

 

 

„Hey Ney, what are you looking at?” -asked Dani.

Oh shit, Neymar noticed that he was staring at Leo again. He shook his head and licked his lips.

„Nothing, let's go to train” -and he started running towards Leo.

 

 

Leo was talking to Suarez and Pique, laughing at something. When he arrived to the group they barely noticed him, and he thought he should be saying something so they wouldnt look through him as if he was made out of air.

„Hey, what's up?” He asked, but he regretted it because he found it a stupid question to start with, especially at training where everything is so obvious. But Leo looked at him, with a big smile on his face. His smile was so beautiful yet very rare, and Neymar's heart skipped a beat everytime he saw it, because he got to live knowing the fact that he made the best player on the world smile.

„Not much, we were just trying to figure out why is Gerard laughing like a sim, you?” - Leo asked.

Neymar froze. He didn't know what to answer. Should he tell him about his late night adventures? That he couldn't fall asleep, and that he broke a teacup? He was afraid that Leo might find it boring, and he surely didnt want him to think he's a boring guy.

„Neymar, are you okay? You look terrible!” -said Pique. How nice.

„Well thanks Geri, I love you too!” - he answered, but Pique kept on looking at him with a curious face.

„Wait, did you sleep at night?” - he asked finally.

„Yes. I mean no. Maybe?” - Neymar hated to talk about his problems.

„Oh Ney, is something wrong?” - asked Leo, and he gave three or four small pats on his back, then hugged him with one of his arms.

 

What could go wrong when he was in the arms of his favorite person ever?

So he just shook his head.

 

 

„Guys, leave him alone. He will talk if he wants to. No need to force him.” -said Luis finally. Neymar was impressed by Luis' sturdiness but couldn't say a word so he just smiled at him. But like this, he had to realize that Leo's hand is slowly slipping down his shoulder and finally leaves his body. Neymar just wanted to tell him to keep it on him more, but that would have sounded incredibly stupid so he just accepted the fact that he has to lack Leo's touch again for a while.

 

 

The coach told them to start warming up, so they started to jog. Luis, Leo and Neymar were jogging in one line. They always did this. Leo was always in the middle and Luis and Neymar by his sides. Neymar frequently got the feeling that Luis feels the same about Leo as he does. But what was he feeling exactly? He couldn't tell it either. He just knew that he likes to be with him, and that was enough.

 

 

They ended the training with their usual game, where they were all standing in circle passing the ball around, and there was one or two people in the middle who had to kick the ball out the circle. This time Neymar got to be this one person. He really loved this situation because he could always „accidentally” bump into Leo, and it always ended in laugh. He really loved making his teammates laugh.

 

 

At end they went to the dressing room to shower and change their clothes. Since Leo's number was 10 and Neymar's was 11 they were changing next to each other, so Neymar got the chance to observe Leo's every movements. He was always mesmerized by his calmness, his precision. Many people have been seeing it as if Leo was lazy or careless, but not Neymar. He could never think anything bad about him.

 

 

While thinking about this, he slowly realized that he had barely talked to him that day, and he thought „I've had a shitty night, let's make the day something better”.

So he took a deep breath, gathered all of his bravery and turned to Leo.

„Wanna come over today?” -he asked with a light smile.

Leo looked at him and then looked down and pulled up his pants. This made Neymar nervous so he continued:

„You know we can play Fifa or just watch some movies or just drink so--”

„Sure” -said Leo and Neymar could swear he was laughing as he turned away again.

 

 

Anyways, when they were done they went straight to Neymar's house.

Leo has been there several times, yet Neymar still managed to get really anxious. He always wanted to prove Leo that he deserves to be his friend, so he could not allow himself to have any flaws, whether it was about his looks, the way he played soccer or his house.

 

 

They travelled in different cars and they met at Neymar's house. It was a huge house with white walls and several decorative element made out of dark wood, surrounded by trees and bushes. Leo arrived at the same time as Neymar did, he parked the car and got out of it, while Neymar was waiting for him in the front door. They got in to the house, and Neymar politely asked for Leo's jacket, who took it off and gave it to him.

 

 

Neymar put it in the wardrobe and when he came back he saw that Leo had already sat down on the couch putting up his legs as if he was at home. Neymar sat down next to him in the armchair. He stared at Leo who stared back at him, like they were about to say something to each other, but the words just didn't come. Finally Neymar broke the silence, he stood up and asked Leo if he wants to drink something.

Leo answered that he just wants some water right now. He turned on the TV, and was about to search for some sport channel, but then he heard a very loud scream. Straight from the kitchen. He got up as fast as he could, and ran to where the scream came from. What he saw may will never get forgotten.

 

 

He saw Neymar, sitting on the floow in the middle of a heap of little broken glass pieces. And when he was trying to get some water for Leo, he stepped into a piece.

 

 

Leo kneeled down to Neymar with a worried face, and pulled out the glass of his foot. It was bleeding, but as soon as they realized that it only left a little scar and it will probably heal by tomorrow, he burst out laughing. Like seriously, carelessly, childishly laughing. He laid on the floor holding his stomach trying to prevent it from falling apart by his laughter. It was almost hurting, but he just couldn't stop.

 

 

Neymar was looking at him with a pouty face for a while, but then he realized that he actually made Leo laugh, and as his eyes teared up he joined him and started laughing as well. Who could be so unlucky if not Neymar?

 

 

Leo helped him to clean up the mess, even thought he was risking cutting himself with the glass, but well, he cared about Neymar and his health so he just couldn't let him clean up all by himself.

While doing it, Neymar told him everything about last night, that he couldn't sleep, that he wanted to prepare tea and that he fell asleep on the couch. He left out the fact that he fell asleep watching kid's network.

 

 

They spent the rest of the evening playing with Fifa. Leo won thought, and Neymar just couldn't hide the fact that he was glad about the result.

 

 

Unfortunately the night came by so fast, and Leo had to leave. Neymar hugged him and whispered in his ear that „Thanks for everything”, but he just got a smile as an answer. But sometimes a smile worths more than thousand words.

 

 

Even thought it was freaking cold outside, he watched Leo’s car as it disappeared in the darkness. It was a perfect day. He wished it would have lasted longer. Like all night long. And even longer. Forever.


	3. Too Close

Leo was on his way home from Neymar. He was always in such a good mood coming from him, jhe liked spending time with him. Neymar was funny and kind, and with him, Leo always felt like he was 22 and careless again. Also, he loved the adoration in his eyes when he looked at him. Leo pretended he didn't notice but he did. And since Neymar was so important for him, he did everything he could to help him, teach him, support him in every possible way. And also they related very well on the pitch, people always mentioned them like the „Deadly Duo”.

 

 

Neymar's house was close to his, so five minutes later he was already at home. He parked the car, and walked to the door, and before he opened it, he took a deep breath. When he got in the house, he found Antonella in the kitchen, doing the dishes. She heard Leo and turned to him, looking at him with anger in her eyes. She calmed herself down immediately, and now kindness and curiousity replaced the anger.

„Where were you? You're late.”

Oh god, Leo totally forgot to tell her that he was going to come home later than usually.

„I was at Neymar's” -he sighed, and saw Anto's eyes opening wider, so he continued „We were playing Fifa and talking about soccer... You know, manly things.”

Anto's anger now visibly flew away.

„You missed dinner. Next time tell me when you're late, I was worried.”

„I know, and I'm sorry. Where is Thiago?”

„In his bed.”

Leo walked upstairs and opened Thiago's door. The little boy way laying in his bed, but not sleeping. When he saw Leo he got up and screamed „Daddy” as he jumped into Leo's arms.

„How is my little champion?” -Leo asked as he caressed his son's head.

„Where where you? I wanted to play with you after dinner.” -said Thiago with a sad expression.

„I was in my friend's house, don't worry my son, we can play tomorrow” -and he hugged him again.

„But now, you have to sleep. Come, I'm going to read you a bedtime story.”

Leo tucked Thiago in, and sit down on his bead. Opened a book and started to read:

„ Once upon a time there was a little bird named Birdie and she was afraid to fly. She would hide all day and all night in the bushes, mostly because there were these big bully crows that would land on the ground in front of Birdie they...”

He had to stop, because he heard Thiago's breath getting deeper, and when he looked down he was already sleeping.

Leo kissed his forehead, and walking on tiptoes so he won't wake the little boy up, he got out of the room.

 

 

After that, he decided to sit down on the couch. He thought about Neymar, when he saw him sitting in the middle of the kitchen with glass in his foot, and his lips twisted into a telltale smirk. He felt his phone vibrating. He looked at it, and he saw that he got a message. From Neymar.

 

Neymar's message:

Did you get home safely?

 

Leo's message:

Yeah, everything was fine, I have already put Thiago in bed.

 

Neymar's message:

Oh good. I hope Anto is not too pissed that you got home late :D

 

 

Leo laughed. How did he know that Anto would be pissed? He knew him so well.

„What are you laughing at?” -heard Leo, and when he looked up he saw Antonella standing in front of him.

„Nothing.” -he answered nervously.

But it was not enought for Antonella, she wanted to know it,

„Were you texting someone?”

„Yeah, Neymar asked me if I got home safely.” -said Leo finally.

Anto looked at him, and this time there was sadness and fear in her eyes.

„Are you hiding something?” -she asked.

The question surprised Leo. He didn't know why would Anto ask such a thing, he gave no reason.

„No honey, you know I wouldn't do that, you have nothing to worry about. Come here.”-he hugged her tight.

 

 

After that, Leo went upstairs to take a shower. When he took his shirt off, he saw Neymar's hairbreadth on the shoulder. He carefully lifted it up between his two fingers, stared at it for a few moments, and just let it fall on the floor. He didn't exactly know why was he so mesmerized by a little hairbreadth, but he surely was.

After showering, he dressed up in pajamas and went to the bedroom. Antonella was already laying in the bed, turning her back to Leo. He went closer, wondered if he should say something, but he decided not to, there was no point of saying anything. He just laid down and hugged Anto. They fell asleep like that.

 

 

Next day started very well, when Leo woke up he saw the sunlight coming in the window, heard the birds chirping and he just felt really relaxed. He dressed up, washed his face and brished his teeth.

In the kitchen Anto was already ready with the breakfast, and now she was feeding Thiago.

„Good morning. Do you want some scrambled eggs?” -she asked, but Leo shook his head.

„Good morning to you too. I'm sorry but I'm not really hungry. I gotta go now. Bye.” -Leo gave a small peck on Thiago's chubby cheek and walked out of the house, without thinking about what he just did. He refused to have breakfast with his son and girlfriend, and left them alone without basically saying anything. He didn't even give a good morning kiss to Anto. What was wrong with him? He was thinking about this while getting in the car. But soon the excitement replaced the confusion as he got closer to the training centre. Althought sometimes it didn't seem like it, he really loved going there. Loved to spend time with his friends, to laugh at the jokes they made, to get in contract with the ball and just casually to get sweaty. That was his life after all, that's what he was born for, to play soccer. And he could do it in the club he dearly loved, and this just increased the enjoyment.

 

 

When he walked in the dressing room, he thought it was empty, as he expected, because he arrived very early. But then he saw that someone was already there, sitting at the locker number 11. Neymar. He was burying his face in his hands and visibly taking deep breaths. Leo thought he was crying, and he was wondering what was he supposed to say. He got closer to Neymar and put his hand on his shoulder. Neymar shivered beneath his cautious touch, and lifted his head up to see who's there with him. Sleepy green eyes with purple circles under them met with Leo's eyes, and Leo just knew what was going on. Neymar didn't sleep again. He wasn't crying, he was just tired.

„Ney, what's wrong?” -he asked as he sat down beside the younger man.

„Nothing.” -answered Neymar and turned his head away. He just didn't want to talk about it.

But this wasn't enough for Leo, who was now very worried. He didn't want Neymar to feel bad, or be sad. He wanted happy Neymar back, so he forced him to speak:

„Neymar, please, you know I'm your friend, you have to tell me what is going on with you.”

„Nothing, I just couldn't sleep, okay?” -Neymar groaned.

„And since when do you have this... problem?”

„I don't know, few days maybe, but does it matter?”

Leo at closer to him.

„Is there something that doesn't let you sleep? Are you worried about something?” -Leo really wanted to know, but Neymar just shrugged.

„Oh, Neymar.” -Leo whispered, and Neymar turned his head back to Leo, and now they were sitting there face to face. „I wish I could help you, but I just don't know how.” Leo continued, and he ran his fingers through Neymar's hair, down his cheek and his jawline, and finally stopped at his chin. Neymar wanted to say something, he really did, but his words didn't want to leave his mouth, so they were just gazing into each other's eyes, and all of sudden the atmosphere had changed, the air was vibrating around them, and both of them felt like the temperature started to rise in a huge rush.

 

 

But then suddenly they heard the door opening, and they saw Dani, Adriano and Rafinha coming in making a big noise.

„Hey guuuuys, what's up, what are you doing here so early?” -Dani asked cheerfully.

„Nothing, we were just talking.” -Leo answered, and he started taking off his clothes.

Dani turned to his locker. „Nothing... this didn't seem like nothing...” -he mumbled.

„Did you say something?” -Leo asked with a vicious look.

„No, nothing, I was just.. singing.”

Somehow Leo didn't believe him, but he didn't care enough to ask.

 

 

Slowly all of the players have arrived, and they started to train. During the whole time Leo was watching Neymar, and sadly he had to admit that he looked very tired, and his performance comparing to what he saw before was really bad.

 

Leo was worried. He knew that the lack of sleep would ruin Neymar's skills, and that would be really bad for the team.   
But even thought he wanted to help, he just didn't know what to do.


	4. Locked Out Of Heaven

The days went by like that. Neymar was barely sleeping but sometimes he got to sleep a few hours and that was enough for him to not complain anymore, but Leo, who knew him better than it seemed, he still felt that something was just not okay. At the beggining he tried to talk to him but everytime he did so, he got rejected, so after a while he didn't even try anymore, he just observed Neymar from a certain distance which could sound very creepy for someone who doesn't know his reasons, and that's exactly why he had to be very careful while doing it.

 

So he barely looked at him, only tried to catch his actions from the corner of his eyes, and that made them get a little bit more distant than before, they barely talked lately. Leo really missed him but talking to him would bore questions that made Neymar nervous, and Leo couldn't risk it, because when Neymar got nervous he could do things he didn't want to. Poor Leo didn’t know that there was one person Neymar could never get mad at, and it was exactly him.

 

 

At the same time, Neymar was actually getting used to his new sleeping schedule, if we don't mention the fact that he started to feel dizzy and have headaches all the time. Or at least this is what he wanted to made himself believe. Because it wasn't the truth. And he knew it deep down. But seriously, what was happening to him? This wasn't the first time he had such problems, but the last time was like... 3 years ago or so, he didn't really remember.

 

 

But soon he realized, that there can be only one reasons: something was worrying him. Or bothering him. Because everytime he got to bed, his thoughts went crazy, he was thinking about awkward moments, or sweet moments, or he was just overthinking something, the point is that he couldn't stop thinking for a minute. And occassionally, it made him scream in his bed trying to scare those horrible thoughts away. But they always seemed to be staying. Sometimes if he sang a song in his head it helped. But it was only sometimes.

 

 

At least the trainings were okay, he could perform very well, althought he noticed that Leo didn't really want to talk to him lately. Maybe he got mad at him for something? Neymar didn't even want to think about that, it would be awful.

 

 

Also a few days ago, the whole team attended the birthday of Gerard's son, Milan's birthday party. It was all weird because everybody came with their significant others and kids, except Neymar (and Dani Alves), and he felt alone during the whole time. When he saw Leo with Antonella he was so sad, but he didn't know why, he just wanted to leave the party. When he tried to get close to Leo, there was always something in his way. So he spent the evening joking around with Dani, just like always. When they cut the cake he couldn't handle it anymore, and he announced to Piqué that he is really sorry but he has to leave. That made Leo very curious, he grabbed Neymar's arm and looked straight in his eyes.

„Is something wrong?” -he asked worriedly.

„No, everything's fine I'm just... tired, you know...” -what could he say? That he is in a bad mood because he couldn't get close enough to him? No that was impossible. And stupid. He shouldn't feel that way.

„Can I...” -Leo started but didn't finish the sentence. Neymar started overthinking again. „What does he want? To escort me to my car? To come with me? WHAT??”

Leo looked behind his back, where he saw Anto and Thiago talking to Shakira.

„Nevermind. See you tomorrow. Good night, Ney.” - he said finally.

„Night'” -Neymar answered and he walked out the door. Leo was so stupid he gives him hope and then dissappoints him. How rude.

So, that's the way they spent their days. But that day was different. It was a matchday. Leo always waited for the game with a negative excitement, he was always so afraid of getting beaten or underperforming or missing some chances or anything, he always wanted to play the way the world wanted him to, which means that he got to be the „best player in the world” or otherwise he could be dwelling on it for days, even his teammates told him that he was unbearable after losses.

But every game he started like he wanted to win no matter what.

 

 

Neymar always started the game calmly, whatever will happen will happen, his teammates always laughed at him for being so cool before the games, even when they were already in the dressing room all he did was joking and dancing, and so the others were more peaceful too.

 

Neymar wondered if this game is gonna start like all the other and Leo hugs him, or they aren't that close anymore. But luckily before the starting before he gathered his confidence and hugged him, and Leo hugged back just like he always does. These hugs gave Neymar strenght to be better and better each game, he always had to prove why he deserves to be there.

 

 

Even thought they weren't talking much off the pitch, it seemed like their chemistry on the pitch still remained, whenever they got the ball all they to see was the other beside them, so they can pass.

The game was good, they were playing well, but somehow the ball never landed it the net. Whenever Neymar got it there was something in the way. Sometimes a defender, sometimes his own feet. Maybe it was the result of the not sleeping? Who knows. Neymar always blamed himself.

 

 

On the other side of the pitch, there was Leo, who thought the same things, but not about Neymar but about himself. Damn, he was claimed to be the best player, he should lead his team to a win at every single game, and when he seemed incapable of doing it, he was very ashamed. They didn't realize that one person can't determine the game, it's always the team's fault if they aren't playing well.

 

But before the end of the first half, Gerard still managed to score one VERY lucky goal, and they were lying if they said it have changed the dynamic of the game, but it definitely helped them to get back the confidence they needed.

 

 

At the halftime, in the dressing room the mood was awful. The coach was telling them some tactical helps and encouraging words, so just the usual things they have heard a hundred times, but when the others weren't listening he turned to Leo and Neymar, and told them to start relating better and trying to play together, because that is the best for the team. -When the coach walked out Leo tried to inspire the players as well, and althought he only said some cliché it still had an influence on them. Leo never talked much, but when he did everybody was listening. They had infinite respect and love towards him.

 

 

The other team was defending with 10 players, well what else could they do against FC Barcelona if not defending. But their defense was good too, Piqué seemed to be getting back to his old form and Bravo was magical, as always.

 

 

It was time for the stars to shine. Leo and Neymar started to play only with each other, but their first attempt ended as a penalty, anyways, they were happy about this too. Leo hated scoring penalties, he didn't see the challenge in them, but he was the number one goalscorer so he had to do it as always. And just like it was expected, he did score. The celebration was the usual: everyone jumped at him and hugged him.

 

 

After that, the events speeded up. Neymar got an assist from Leo, and he was so grateful, he jumped at him, and Leo was carrying him up to a few steps, but Neymar just didn't want to let go of him, hugging Leo was maybe even better than scoring, it gave him goosebumps and boiled his blood at the same time. Leo was happy too, he always let Neymar hug him until he wanted to, he felt so much love coming from each one of his poles. They absolutely forgot that they were barely talking lately, that they weren't supposed to be in such a good term.

 

When the others walked away, Leo still went for a last hug.

„I'm sorry for not talking to you lately.” -he whispered to him, covering his mouth so the cameras wouldn't catch his words. Neymar just pulled him even closer as an answer, and they knew, they just knew that everything was fine again.

 

 

Not much longer, another goal by Neymar assisted by Leo came. This time, Leo jumped on Neymar and not the other way around. Neymar lifted him up, and Leo always knew that was coming so when he jumped on him he was already clinging into his neck waiting for his feet to leave the ground for a moment. Leo was heavier than him so Neymar always had to step back one or two times just so he wouldn't lose his balance, but lifting Leo felt too good not to do it.

 

 

Anyways, the team was more relieved now, and it didn't take 5 minutes to score the next goal, and this time it was Messi . Funny because somehow most of the time they managed to save the day, and that's exactly what happened then. The Camp Nou was chanting „Messi Messi Messi” as if he was their saviour or something. Maybe he really was. Leo could never get used to the feeling when everybody was chanting his name, it felt so magical, so powerful, and that's what gave him the strenght to keep on fighting for the team and their wins.

 

 

At the end, Neymar had the chance to score his hattrick, but he passed the ball to Pedro so he could celebrate himself too. People often called Neymar selfish, but he always proved them wrong. So they ended the game with 6 goals, 0 conceded.

 

 

The mood in the dressing room was phenomenal now, Gerard was singing and the others were only laughing at him, even Leo's lips twitched into a smile. But he was rather paying his attention to Neymar, who wasn't looking back at him, in fact he wasn't even close to him, because his dressing seat was put in the other side of the room this time. It was weird because Leo got used to him by his side, they always were taking selfies or just talking about something while dressing up, but this time Neymar's place was taken by the cold and white wall. So maybe the absence, maybe something else was the reason, but he couldn't take his eyes off of him. His perfect abdominal muscle rising sinking everytime he breathes in and out, his skinny waist, his tattoos... Leo knew every single tattoos of his body, and sometimes he got the urge to touch them, but he always chased this thought away, he was pretty sure Neymar wouldn't approve.

 

 

At the same time, Neymar was trying to pay attention to what Rafinha was telling to him, but he felt worse and worse at every minute. Soon he was so dizzy that he had to sit down, and he even felt nauseous, so he took his shirt on and ran to the bathroom. He glazed at his reflection in the mirror, and started to wash his face. What he didn't count on was Leo, who was seeing the whole scene and now he was coming to the bathroom. He ran to Neymar and gently placed his hand on his back.

„Are you okay?” -he asked. Leo wasn't really good at this, and asking if he was okay was probably very stupid since Neymar visibly wasn't feeling well, but this was the only thing that came to his mind. Neymar turned off the tap and looked at Leo. He felt some kind of fuzzy warmness in his heart because of the thought that he cared about him.

„Yeah, I'm fine.” -Neymar answered, and he wasn't lying, he actually felt better.

„But what happened?” -Leo was still worried.

„I just... suddenly wasn't feeling well so I came here to wash my face. But I'm better now, really.”

Leo leaned agaisnt the wall and suspiciously raised one of his eyebrows.

„Have you ever felt like this before?” There was no reason for Neymar to lie.

„Maybe... a few times.”

Leo pushed himself away from the wall and made a hesitant step towards Neymar.

„I knew that something was wrong with you, Ney! Why didn't you tell me?”

„I didn't know that you cared and you didn't ask so why would I tell you? None of your business anyways...”

Leo should have taken this as an offense but he just wasn't that type of guy who got offended for every little things. And the fact that it was about Neymar was a huge mitigating circumstance. He took Neymar's head in between his two hands and looked into his eyes.

„I wouldn't have come here if I wouldn't care. I do care.” -he said in a serious tone of voice.

Neymar was sure that he would be very happy about this if the astonishment wasn't paralizing all of his other feelings.

 

 

They stayed there for a while, and made up for everything they couldn't tell each other while they were not talking. When they came out they realized that everyone went home and there was only the two of them in the dressing room. They said goodbye with a hug.

 

 

Leo arrived home in a good mood, but soon it changed when Antonella, instead of greeting him, didn't seem to talk to him. Leo wanted to ask her what was wrong, but there was no need of that, before he could say anything, she started:

„Where where you again? I thought you were going home after the game! I knew you were cheating on me! - she was fuming.

Leo couldn't say a thing he was just standing there completely frozen. What the fuck is wrong with her?

„If you don't love me anymore just tell me, I'm all ears.” -she continued.

„Anto what is wrong with you? I had to take care of Neymar because he wasn't feeling we..”

„Ah, so Neymar is the reason you didn't come home. Is Neymar your new lover now? Is he the reason you don't care about your family anymore?”

„I don't care about you because I came home an hour later than the expected? Well this doesn't really make sense to me.”

Antonella didn't say anything she just gave Leo a murderous look. Leo wanted to look at Thiago, check if he was okay, but when he took a step in the direction of his room, Antonella caught his arm.

„Don't touch the kid, if you can't spend time with him when he is awake then don't you dare to disturb him in his sleep! -she shouted and slapped him.

The time and air froze. Everything was so silent suddenly. She have never slapped him before. Leo yanked his arm away from Anto's grip. He knew he couldn't stay there for any longer. He didn't say a thing, he just turned his back to the woman, and walked out the door. He wanted to go somewhere, anywhere, just away from his house.

But he realized, that he left his car keys in the house, and there was no way he would go back for them. He felt something wet on his forehead, and he turned his face to the sky. He heard a thunderbolt and felt the raindrops falling on every part of him.

 

 

He felt miserable. He had nowhere to go, and he was already soaking wet. But he still had to go somewhere. So he started walking, hoping that he finds an alternative place where he can spend the night. He had no direction yet. While walking he was thinking about what just happened, and about the future. How will he able to go home and act like nothing happened after this? He was about to cry, and now he knew that where he could spend the night. He was hoping that it wasn't too late for a friendly visit...

 

 

Neymar was in the shower washing his hair, and singing in satisfaction. He was satisfied becase he scored two goals, they won the game, and he finally got to talk to Leo. When he got out the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and walked out the bathroom. He was about to drop the towel on the floor, but surprisingly, he heard the doorbell ringing. He got very annoyed, I mean who the hell could it be so late? Must be a homeless guy begging for money or something like that. He didn't even bother dressing up, he walked to the door and opened it, ready to send the guy to the hell, but what he saw was something very different.

 

 

A soaking wet Lionel Messi was standing in front of him, shivering like a cold puppy. Neymar's first thought was shame, because he was only wearing a towel and that Leo might find inappropiate. Leo himself couldn't deny that the view surprised him, but he didn't really mind it and he surely didn't get nervous at all, he have seen Neymar like that is a thousand times, even if it was only in the dressing room not in the isolation of his house. Neymar couldn't say a thing he was completely numb with his hand still on the door handle. Leo cleared his throat and asked something that, athought he didnt know it then, but later changed everything.

 

„Can I... can I come in?”


	5. All Through The Night

Neymar shook his head to chase the numbness away, and stepped back, letting Leo know that of course he could come in. How could Neymar say no to him? The question itself was stupid.

Leo politely took his shoes off, and stepped into the lobby. Neymar closed the door and looked at him, but he still had that what-the-hell-is-happening face on. Leo didn't say a thing he was just standing in the middle of the room, so Neymar decided to ask him.

„What happened? Why are you on the streets so late? Oh my god, you are soaking wet! -he placed his hand on his shoulder but regretted it because it got really wet. He wiped his hand in the towel, which was still wrapped around his waist. Leo shrugged.

„I fought with Anto and I couldn't stay at home, but I forgot my car keys in the house.” -he mumbled staring at one point on the floor.

„I'll go find you dry clothes and when you have changed your clothes you can tell me everything.” -said Neymar and he walked upstairs hastily.

 

 

Leo was very exhausted, but he didn't want to sit down because he would get the couch soaked as well, so he stayed standing in the lobby, still staring at the floor and thinking about his fight with Anto and about the fact that he was in Neymar's house who was wearing nothing but a towel, and god knows when will he get home again.

 

 

Upstairs in the wardrobe, Neymar was trying to find an appropiate piece of cloth for Leo, something that wasn't too Neymar-ish and was comfy enough to sleep in them. But it was harder than he thought, his wardrobe was full of tight shirts and loose jeans. If the shirt wasn't too tight then there was something not too appropiate on them, like a girl or a funny text or something like that. After long minutes of searching he found a black T-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. Neymar was about to open the door to give the clothes to Leo, but he remembered that he was still wearing only a towel, so he dressed up before going downstairs.

 

 

He gave the clothes to Leo, who was staring back at him for an awkward amount of time, before Neymar realized why he was doing that.

„Oh, you can change in the bathroom.” -he said nervously, and pointed in the direction of the bathroom.

 

 

Leo closed the door behind himself and started to take his clothes off. Before putting them on, he smelled the clothes Neymar gave him. They smelled like Neymar. So now he's gonna smell like Neymar. He didn't really mind it, Neymar's smell was really amazing, chamomile and musk mixed up with some kind of expensive perfume which he probably used all the time. Leo always smelled it when he was standing close to Neymar, and since he really loved it, he always made sure to stay close to him as long as it was possible.

 

He put on the clothes and checked himself in the mirror. The pants were too long, but he didn't really mind, no one else is going to see him except Neymar, who wouldn't laugh at him anyways. He happily identified that now he can be smelling Neymar's scent all the time, althought he found it weird that he felt such a thing about his male friend.

 

 

When he got out the bathroom he found Neymar sitting on the bar stool, but he stood up in the moment he saw Leo. He checked him out, and recognized that the pants were too long and they were touching the floor, but he decided that Leo had enough problems in that moment so he didn't say a thing.

„Are you hungry?” -he asked.

Leo put his hand on his stomach.

„Well, actually, I haven't eaten yet today.”

Neymar was horrified, he wanted to give him something to eat as soon as possible.

„Well, I don't really have food at home, but we can cook something, if you want to. How about pizza?”

„Pizza sounds good. With cheese. A lot of cheese.” -Leo answered.

Neymar nodded, and took out a huge bowl from the cupboard, along with flour, dry yeast, oil and salt.

 

 

Neymar wasn't too bad at cooking, he could cook a few things, but he didn't have enough experience and patience yet. Leo was watching him, sitting on the kitchen counter for a while, but when Neymar started to make the pizza dough and he poured the flour aside the bowl he decided to give him a hand.

„Will you let me help you?” – he asked as he gently took the flour away from Neymar.

Neymar was planning on making it all by himself, but it was better off that way and he knew it, so he let Leo do whatever he wanted. Leo gave the instructions to Neymar, like bring him another bowl and things like that, and he was preparing the dough. When it was ready, they had to let it rise for at least half an hour, so Leo covered it with a plastic wrap and left it next to the radiator.

 

 

Leo walked away without a word, and sat down on the couch. Neymar followed him and sat down next to him.

„Will you tell me what happened between you and Anto?” -Neymar asked. He was hoping that Leo might look at him while talking to him, but that wasn't really his habit, he was just staring at the TV that wasn't even switched on.

„Do I have to?” - he answered with a question.

„Well I don't want to force you to do anything, but you showed up at my house at night and you were soaking wet and now you're sitting on my couch wearing my clothes, so maybe it would be nice if you involved me in what the hell is going on with you.” – even Neymar was surprised by his own words.

 

 

Leo sighed. He knew Neymar was right, but it was so hard to talk about it.

„She is so weird lately. She got mad at me because sometimes I arrived home later than I do usually, and she thinks I am cheating on her. I told her it's not true and I thought she believed me but apparently she didn't. When I arrived home today she started to shout at me, she even slapped me.”

\- he said in a monotone voice.

Neymar was shocked. He felt a lump in his throat so he swallowed and shakingly asked:

„Is it because of me? Because you are hanging out with me?”

„No, I mean yes, sometimes I stayed with you too, but not that's her problem, she is just afraid that I'm cheating on her. It makes me feel like.... like she isn't the same person I fell in love with. She was never like this.” – Leo answered.

„But you still feel the same, right? - Neymar asked. He thought he might didn't have the right to ask this, but the damage has been done. Leo suddenly got very uncomfortable so he stood up and ran into the kitchen screaming that „The dough must be done by now, I'll go and check it.”

Neymar found his reaction very weird, and he went after him.

„Is everything alright? Did I offend you with the question? Because I'm sorry then I...”

Leo turned around.

„No, It' not your fault. You know lately... it's just hasn't been the same. We barely talk, even barely see each other. And it's not because we don't have time... but because we don't want to. We don't need it. Do you know what I mean?”

Neymar nodded. Of course he knew what Leo meant, he had gone through the same with his previous girlfriend, Bruna.

„Do you think you can find a... solution?” -he asked, and he realized that his lips were dry so he licked them.

Leo shrugged. „I don't know.”

 

 

Suddenly Neymar felt so bad for being jealous of Anto when they last met, he understood that they had their own problems but they were trying to fix it and move on, but how could he start to love Anto when he saw that Leo was technically suffering from the situation they were in.

 

Leo flattened the pizza dough and spreaded tomato souce all over it. He asked Neymar to grate the cheese, who was enthusiastically doing it because finally Leo let him to do something. They used mozzarella and parmesan, and ended it with crumbled feta cheese.

Leo put the pizza in the oven.

„It will be ready in 10-15 minutes.” -he said.

„That's good because I got really hungry.” - Neymar answered.

They sat down to watch TV without talking to each other. They still needed time to process what had been said and heard.

 

 

Leo was thinking about his feelings for Anto. He had never thought about them before, it was so obvious that he loved her, he had to. But was it actually love? They were more like siblings with sex than lovers, especially since Thiago was born. Once you know someone since you were a litte kid, your love turn into a sibling-love, even thought you don't want to. The thought that Anto was now going to start being unbearable was burning Leo inside, he just didn't want to fall out of love. But what if that was his fate?

 

 

Neymar was still processing the fact that Leo Messi was sitting on his couch in the middle of the night, and that when he had to go somewhere the first person that came to his mind was Neymar.

Also, there was a very, very mean little voice in his head that told him to be happy about the situation, because now Leo is going to have more time for him. But he shut the voice up and concentrated on the fact that the most important thing was Leo's happiness. And he wasn't really happy.

 

 

When the pizza was ready, Leo put it on a silver plate, and they ate it sitting on a couch sharing one plate, but not saying anything. When they were done, Leo wanted to forget about his own problems, and talk about Neymar's. Neymar was doing the dishes, so he went there to help him. He was afraid of asking anything, but he had to try it, the worst thing to happen was not getting an answer.

„So, what's up with you and your sleeping? Do you still have problems?”

Neymar's hand stopped in the air. Damn, thats exactly what he wanted to avoid.

„Well, to be honest, it didn't really change, I'm still struggling falling asleep, but I guess I can handle it...”

Neymar wanted to continued, but Leo lifted up his hand, indicating him to stop talking, and of course Neymar listened to him. He was staring at Leo with a kinda scared facial expression, and Leo was almost squinting, but suddenly he started to smile. Neymar felt the relief in his chest.

„Well, we should see what is the problem.” - said Leo still smiling. Neymar didn't understand.

Leo looked at the clock that was hung up next to the dining table. It was almost midnight.

„We should go to sleep.” -he said. He took Neymar's hand and led him upstairs, in the bedroom.

„I'll be here with you until you fall asleep.” -Leo continued. Neymar still didn't understand. Did he actually want to be there with him until he falls asleep? It was so... weird, and at the same time the most amazing feeling ever. He laid down and covered himself with the blanket. Leo laid down aswell, but he didn't cover himself, he thought it wouldn't be appropiate enough. Both of them were staring at the ceiling.

„You know...” -Leo started. „I've been thinking about recommending you something but somehow I always forgot. You should go to see a doctor, maybe he would give you something that would help you, I think that your life is a little bit messy, and you are messy aswell, and that's why you have these problems now. But everything has a solution, and we will find it. I'll do everything to help you as long as you allow me to.”

 

 

This took Neymar's breath away. Suddenly he was struggling finding his words. Was Leo Messi, his idol actually thinking about what was going on with him? Was he trying to find a solution? What was happening? And why does it have so much impact on him? His heart was actually beating faster than its supposed to be, it was so loud that he was worried Leo might hear it, his cheeks turned into red and his palms were sweating.

„I...” I love you so much thank you for caring so much about me, I think you are the greatest person of all the time and I'm so glad to be your friend – that's what he wanted to say.

„I hate doctors.” - Neymar said, still being unable to say something that doesn't sound stupid.

For the first time since they were laying on the bed, Leo looked at him. Laughing.

„What if I go with you?” - he asked.

Neymar smiled. Spending time with Leo? Anytime. He would go to the end of the world with him.

„Well I guess I don't have a choice, right? - he asked. Leo laughed again and looked back at the ceiling.

„Right.”

„So now tell me, what you feel when you are trying to fall asleep? - Leo asked.

 

Neymar wanted to answer, but he couldn't. Not because he couldn't speak, but because he didn't remember. And it was simply because he was concentrating on something else. Leo being so close to him, their hands almost touching, Leo's smell, Leo being concerned about him, Leo, Leo, Leo...

That's everything he was thinking about. His thoughts were only focused on that one person, and he felt calm, and relaxed. And as he was still inhaling his smell, his eyelids suddenly got very heavy, he couldn't keep them open anymore, he just, who knows how, but fell asleep.

 

 

„Hey, are you still...” - Leo started, but when he looked at Neymar, he realized that Neymar was sleeping. „Well that's weird, I thought he couldn't sleep.” -Leo thought.

He changed his position and now he was lying on his side, looking at Neymar. He looked so peaceful. His lips were slightly open, his hand was grabbing the corner of the pillow, his chest was rising up and down. Leo was so mesmerized. Neymar could be such a fuckboy at any time, but in his sleep he looked like a 5 year-old kid, who needed protection, care and love.

This time Leo's thoughts were a mess. What was so magical about this guy? Everytime he was around him, he felt so... free. He made him feel like he was young and careless again. Anytime he was around he got such a good mood, and he knew that Neymar was unable to not touch him or talk to him, and he was always waiting for that moment when he shows up to hug him or tell him one of his silly jokes that weren't even funny but Leo was laughing at them anyways because it was so cute, or just brush his hand against his back, anything could light up Leo's day. But, still it was so weird. He have never felt like this before. Neymar was so annoying and touchy, most of his teammates weren't so delighted about it. But Leo loved it. Just the way he was. And while thinking about it, Leo heard Antonella's voice echoing in his head?

„Is Neymar your new lover?” Leo was upset. He turned his back to Neymar, and now he was staring at the window.

„Is Neymar your new lover?” How could Antonella ask such a thing? This is crazy.

Well, they were pretty much acting like they were really close lately, But Anto basically told him that he was gay. After 7 years of being together, she accuses him that he was gay. It's awful that they actually got here. Leo shook his head and closed his eyes, and forced himself to fall asleep.

 

 

Leo's body always attracted Neymar like a magnet, so during the night, in his sleep, he put his hand on his, and they were sleeping like that.

 

 

Leo woke up with Neymar's hand on his waist. He heard Neymar's deep breaths beside him, which meant he was still sleeping. He wanted to get up, without waking Neymar up. He placed his hand on Neymar's hand and slowly started to push it away, until it landed on the bedsheet. Neymar seemingly didn't wake up. Leo stood up, and started to walk to the door. But he heard Neymar's sleepy voice behind him.

„Do we have a training today?” Neymar always forgot the trainings.

„Yes, we do.” - Leo answered shortly, and walked out the room. He went to the bathroom where he found his clothes, and they were all dry, so he dressed up.

When he came out the bathroom, Neymar was still nowhere to be seen, so he decided to prepare breakfast. He found ham and cheese in the fridge, and bread in the cupboards. Everything he needed to make some sandwiches. When he was ready he put one of them on a plate and he ate the other one.

 

 

Neymar walked downstairs being all fresh and relaxed.

„Hey, I made you breakfast.” - Leo said not looking at him.

„Thanks.” - Neymar answered with the same cold tone of voice Leo had. He sat down and started to eat. He could get used to finding Leo in the kitchen preparing breakfast every morning.

„So, how did you sleep?” - Leo asked.

„Well, apparently I need you to sleep well, because I have never slept like this before.”

Leo's pale cheeks turned into red. Neymar needs to stop being so affectionate.

 

They had to go to training with Neymar's car. During the car ride they were extremely quiet. Neymar was listening to Brazilian music, and even thought he didn't like it, Leo didn't say a thing, he let him do whatever he wanted to.

When they arrived, they saw Piqué parking next to them in the parking lot.

„Did you guys come together? What happened? - he asked. He was confused.

Leo and Neymar both shrugged like they were connected or something. Leo looked away.

„Long story.” - Neymar answered. Gerard still wanted to talk about it, but Leo interrupted him.

„Can we just go?”

Marc joined them but he saw that the atmosphere was a little bit tense so he didn't say anything.

The 4 of them walked to the dressing room together. Neymar saw that Leo was more quiet than usual, and he wanted to cheer him up, so he hugged him and pulled his head to his shoulder grab ing him by his nape. Leo let him to do so, althought he was still confused by last night's happenings.

 

„Everything's gonna be okay.” - Neymar whispered and let him go. Leo almost invisibly nodded. Maybe Neymar was right. Maybe he can fix things with A ntonella, and she stops accusing him of being gay and/or cheating on her, and Neymar will no longer have such an impact on him. But by looking at Neymar who was taking off his shirt talking about something with Rafinha in Portuguese, that seemed impossible.


	6. Thinking Out Loud

After training, Leo asked Neymar to take him home. When they arrived, they agreed on meeting at Neymar's house and going to the doctor together at 4 p.m.

„Will you be okay?” -Neymar asked Leo before he could step out the car.

„Yeah.. I'll be fine.” - he answered.

„Okay then. Call me if you need anything.”

Leo opened the door but turned back again.

„Thank you... for everything.” - he said.

Neymar charmingly smirked.

„No problem. See you later.”

And then Leo finally got out the car. Neymar drove away immediately.

 

 

Before stepping into the house, Leo stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. He knew that Antonella would be angrier than ever. The door was closed, he had to open it with the spare key they had hidden under the doormat. The house seemed empty. He walked upstairs and opened the bedroom door. No one. He checked it in Thiago's room too. Still no one. He got very nervous. Where could Antonella and his son go? Will they come back? If yes, then when?

He called Anto but she didn't answer the phone. Leo could punch something he was so nervous, but he wasn't that type. All he could do is wait.

 

 

About one hour later, Anto and Thiago arrived home. Anto seemed to be in such a good mood, but when he saw Leo sitting on the couch being all angry, her smile faded away.

„Can you please tell me where have you been? I was worried!” - he took Thiago away from Anto and placed a kiss on his head.

„Well I could ask you the same after last night. I was with Daniella. What about you?”

Daniella was Anto's best friend, also Cesc's wife. They were hanging out together all the time, even thought Leo felt like she was a bad influence on Anto, and he even asked her to not meet her again, but Anto didn't listen to him.

„I was spending the night with a friend. Did you hear the last word? FRIEND. And I would like to point out to the fact that it was a MALE friend.” - Leo answered.

Antonella shrugged.

„You know I've been thinking, and I decided to not talk about this anymore. Let's just forget it. But please, spend a little bit more time with your family, that's all I'm asking.”

„But I have to... Never mind, I'll be with you all the day.” - Leo wanted to tell her that he needs to go to the doctor with Neymar, but he thought it was very risky in the current situation, and he chose to stay with Anto and Thiago at home.

 

 

At the same time, Neymar was lookig out the window being ready to go to the doctor, all he was waiting for was Leo.

„Damn, where is he? It's almost 4 p.m.” -he thought. He never thought for a moment about the fact that Leo made fool of him, and he is not even going. He was worried that something might have happened to him, at the same time he didn't want to call him, because what if he had a serious reason to not go. Neymar felt betrayed, Leo could have at least told him that the plans have changed.

But when the time came, he had to go.

 

 

At the doctor there was no one except him, which was because it was a private doctor and he could ask him to close the consulting room before he arrives, so that no one sees him.

The doctor was a very kind, around 50 years old bald man with eyeglasses. He told Neymar to sit down and tell him his problems.

„I can't sleep at night. Or when I can I fall asleep real hard.” - Neymar wanted to be done as soon as possible, so he didn't go into the details.

„Is there something that worries you?” - the doctor asked.

Neymar didn't understand.

„For example?”

„Are there any problems at work?”

„No, everything is fine.”

„What about family problems?”

Neymar had to think about this for a minute, but the answer was the same.

„No, we don't have any problems, we all love each other.”

The doctor seemed to hesitate before his next question.

„Are you in love with someone?”

Neymar started to laugh. In love? Him? No that was impossible.

„No... I'm not in love.”

The doctor wrinkled his eyebrows.

„That's weird. Was there any circumstanse in which you didn't experience these symptoms.”

That was an easier question.

„Yeah, it was exactly last night. My friend was forced to sleep at my house, and I think I was sleeping very well.”

The doctor smiled. „Oh, she can be a very special friend.”

„She? No... it's a he. And yeah he is indeed very special. We are really good friends, he means a lot to me.” - Neymar almost started to tell the doctor about how amazing player and friend Leo is, but he stopped himself thinking that the doctor wouldn't appreciate it as much as he does.

The doctor looked like he wanted to say something, but he changed his mind.

„Alright, I give you some sleeping pills, you have to take them one hour before you go to sleep.”

The doctor gave some instructions, and Neymar finally could go home. He was still disappointed about Leo not going with him, he couldn't even eat.

 

 

Leo was spending the evening watching cartoons with Thiago, who seemed to be really enjoying it, he was sitting on his dad's lap during the whole time. They asked Anto to participate too, but she was rather having hime for herself. After a while, Leo remembered that he still didn't tell anything to Neymar about here he was, so he made sure that Anto was still in the bathroom and he took his phone in his hand. What could he write to him? He felt so fricking guilty for not going althought he promised Neymar. He knew that Neymar didn't really liked doctors and that his presence would have meant a lot to him. But he didn't want to piss Anto off when they just stopped fighting.

 

Neymar felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He got a message. From Leo.

 

Leo's message:

Neymar, I'm so sorry for not going, we are trying to fix things with Anto and I didn't want to leave her alone now.

 

Neymar suddenly felt pain in his chest. They are trying to fix their relationship with Anto. That's good. He should be happy for them. But he wasn't, he felt jealous. Not Leo is not going to spend any time with him again.

 

 

Neymar's message:

It's okay, I'll tell you everything tomorrow.

No, it wasn't okay, why did he even write that? He should have shown him ho angry he was at him, and that he felt very betrayed. But he didn't want to. Fighting via messages seemed such a bad idea. And figthing with Leo seemed even worse. His phone vibrated again.

 

Leo's message:

I can't wait. ;)

 

 

„Oh Leo, just leave me alone with your fucking winky faces, I am mad at you.” - Neymar thought, but he admitted that it was very cute that Leo actually used an emoticon. It was very unusual of him.

 

Neymar suddenly really started to miss his son. When he was with him he ever felt alone, his laughter always lighted up the whole house. He should tell Carolina to bring Davi Lucca there, he needed him.

 

 

Carolina answered the phone after the first ringing.

„Hello!” - she said.

„Hey, it's me Neymar. You know, I was just wondering if you could bring Davi here to Barcelona, it's been a while and I really miss him now.”

„Umm sure, I think I can bring him there this weekend, if that's okay for you.”

„It's... perfect.”

 

They still agreed on the details and said goodbye to each other. Neymar couldn't help but smiling ear to ear, finally he could see his son again. Last time he saw him was at Christmas. Long weeks ago. Neymar took the sleeping pills and went to sleep. Surprisingly, it was actually working, he felt his instincs very blunt, but it was better not to think then to be absolutely aware of what was going on, so he could sleep very well. That problem seemed to be disappearing.

 

 

Next day, they had a very tough game against Atletico Madrid. Neymar was always calm and cheery, but this time he went there being all nervous. Not because of the fact that they were facing Atleti, but because he had to see Leo. They had to catch a flight at very early, and Neymar had to be is a huge rush to get there in time, but he always managed to arrive without being late.

 

On the plane, he was always sitting with his Brazilian teammates, and Leo was sitting with Mascherano, so he didn't have to talk to him, and he almost thought that they can avoid getting in a conversation about the doctor. At the hotel check in, he have successfully avoinded Leo and he got to be in a room with Rafinha. Everything was going well, until they went to the dressing room, and he realized that this time he was dressing up next to Leo. Damn, he was sure Leo was going to ask him about the doctor. And he was right.

„So, Ney, tell me what did the doctor say.” - Leo said with such a curiosity sitting on his face, like he actually cared or something. But Neymar still didn't want to talk about it. Leo was waiting for an answer.

„He gave me some pills and now I think I'm not gonna have this problem anymore.” - he said trying to make Leo feel that he wasn't really in the mood of talking about that.

„Once again, I'm sorry for not going, I feel so guilty. Please don't be mad at me.” - Leo said. Neymar looked away. He was sure that Leo had his apologizing puppy face on, and if he looked in his eyes he would get lost and he couldn't resist him.

 

 

The game was very annoying, Atleti scored in the first minute, but soon Neymar scored the equalizer and that's where the actual problems began. First of all, he couldn't help but hugging Leo and kissing his cheek, he was so happy that he scored that he even forgot that he was supposed to be mad at him. After that, the opponent players got very agressive. They were kicking Neymar and insulting him all the time. They knew that Neymar couldn't handle this very well, and they wanted him to get injured or get a red card. The half time ended with Barca leading 3-2.

 

 

After the whistle they were still fighting on the pitch, and Torres even slapped Neymar. But Neymar carried on.

 

In the second half, Barca went for possession and they were just passing around the ball confusing the Atleti players, that kept on kicking Neymar's ankle, so the coach decided to sub him off.

After that, they wanted to get Leo injured, who was tougher than Neymar and he got used to the kicks and punches, and even thought sometimes he landed on the grass after someone put his leg before him, he didn't get injured either.

 

 

Despite the nuisances, the mood after the win was amazing, everybody was all happy. Except Neymar, who was still under the effect of all those insults. Usually talking to Leo cheered him up, but now he was still mad at him and talking to him would have made his mood even worse.

 

 

Leo noticed that Neymar was somehow sad or angry, but he thought that it was because of what happened on the pitch, he thought that they were okay after those hugs and kisses they had. He lightly caressed Neymar's back who didn't even react, to be honest he felt himself trembling under Leo's touch, but he told himself that it's not what he wanted and that actually he was trembling because he was uncomfortable and not because his hand on his back felt so fucking good.

 

Before going home, they took a group picture. Neymar tried to be as far away from Leo as it was possible, but Leo wanted to be close to him, so they ended up being like one step away from each other letting a huge gap between them in where another person could have fit perfectly, but no one had a chance because Leo decided that holding Neymar's hand was a good idea. Like he was feeling that Neymar is going to need a lot of love to make him forget his little mistake.

 

 

In the picture, other teammates were covering them so no one could see their hands only their faces, and it was good in this way.


	7. All Fall Down

In the next few days, they didn't really talk to each other, even thought they had a game against Villarreal, which they won by 3-2. Leo bit his tongue during the game and it was bleeding, and Neymar was actually worried about it. He hated everything that could hurt Leo in any form, and anger started to fly away and all he wanted to know was if Leo was okay or not.

 

 

Davi Lucca finally arrived, and Neymar wanted to spend all his time with him. They played football, they took a lot of selfies, they watched movies, so they did everything a son and dad usually do. Davi was still very tired after the long plane trip they had, and he fell asleep very soon, it was still no time for Neymar to go to bed. He decided to check instagram on his phone.

He usually just posted a pic but now that he was bored he started to read the comments, and see in what pictures he was tagged on. There were a lot of pointless pics, people have tagged him on pictures he wasn't even on, and pictures of him scoring or just with the Barca squad. And then there was one picture that caught his eyes.

 

It was him and Leo hugging each other while smiling widely. What a beautiful picture. He opened it. And stared at it for at least two minutes, being completely mesmerized. He always did this, always saved the pics of him and Leo, he didn't know why but he felt like he's gonna need them later. But one fet different, because it's been a whie since he actually got in contract with him, and he was missing him. He looked at the tags. „#neymar #messi #fcbarcelona #neymessi”

The last tag was the one that got Neymar more interested. Neymessi. What is that? Neymar laughed 'cause it was like he was Leo's wife and he got his last name. Neymar Messi.

 

 

Neymar was giggling as he typed „Neymessi” in the browser. What he got as result was hundreds of pics of him and Leo, and in all of them they were either hugging or doing something very... cute. Neymar was somehow surprised. The first thing that surprised him was the fact that all of those things have happened, and the second was that by looking at those pictures, he could remember all of them. Remember the feelings he felt, remember the circumtances, everything. So apparently „Neymessi” was their names merged into one, and that's what their fans called them. He clicked on a tumblr link. He got the same as a result, pics and gifs of him and Leo. He looked at the comments.

 

„Neymar is such a fanboy <3” - one of them said.

 

„I love them so much.”- so the other.

 

These were all nice, Neymar was smiling at these sweet comments, he didn't know that his friendship with Leo had such an impact on their fans. But then he have made that mistake that he kept on scrolling. And then he saw a comment that totally froze him.

 

„They are so in love.”

 

He closed the page and put his phone away. That was something he didn't want to read. In love? Were people actually thinking about them... in a romantic way?

„But that is crazy! Well, I have to admit that we are acting like we were really close, but in love? I am not in love with anyone, especially not with Leo. All I feel about him is that...I wanna spend every moment of my life with him and I go crazy over the fact that he might not want the same, and I am eternally jealous because he is fixing his relationship with his girlfriend. That is not love. Right?” - Neymar sadly realized that he was actually talking to himself. That was like the first sign of going crazy. Will the next step be that he tries to catch a mouse when there is none in there?

But then he heard the doctor's words in his head.

„Are you in love with someone?”

„She must be really special.”

And that look on his face when he heard that it's not a she but a he. Like he was trying to say something. But what? Do people actually think that they are in love? Then he needed to stop liking him so much. He might not even hug him the next time they score. No, that would be so much, every goal deserves a hug.

 

 

All he wanted to do was to stop being so obsessed with him. He was just a friend. Nothing else.

Neymar took the pills and for the first time in his life he just wanted to sleep for two years straight.

He must have been dreaming about something very nice, because he woke up in a really good mood.

Marcela and his dad were coming over to take care of Davi and of course to cook something while he was at training. He took a quick shower, brushed his teeth and dressed up, then woke Davi Lucca up aswell and fed him, but skipped breakfast himself. He wasn't really that breakfast-eating type, the last time he had was when Leo made it.

 

 

At training centre in the dressing room there were already a few teammates getting ready. Except one person Neymar was looking for. Leo. Neymar wanted to start talking to him again, so he could convince himself that what they had was only a very strong friendship and nothing more than that. But he wasn't there. He didn't even say hi to the others, all he asked was:

„Where is Leo?”

„He had to skip training because of personal reasons. The coach allowed.” - Andrés said.

Personal reasons. What could that be? Hopefully not something awful. Neymar had to find out. But no one knew about what was going on. What if he was sick again? No one knew better than Neymar that he had problems with his stomach due to the nervousness of the games. Neymar was helping him during last summer to defeat his fear and insecurity, that he used to have, especially after the World Cup loss, and it seemed like it disappeared, and thats why they had such a strong friendship. But they were kinda distant lately, so it could have come back easily.

 

 

Neymar didn't even start taking his clothes off, he turned around and walked out the dressing room, then he met Adriano who was looking at him all confused.

„Where are you going?” - he asked.

„Tell the coach that I have a headache and I can't train now. Thank you.” - Neymar answered and walked away, not really caring about the consequences. He was way too worried to that. He drove out the parking lot and stopped the car when there was no one around. He took the phone in his hand and searched for the name „Leo”. He stared at it. What if calling is not the best thing to do now? He put his phone away. If he calls him there is a chance he doesn't answer because he doesn't like when people ask him about his condition. He decided to go straight to Leo's house.

 

 

He found it weird that he didn't see Leo's car in front of the house, but he could have been parking it in the garage or something. He walked to the door. He could have rang the doorbell, but he felt it too formal, he alway preferred knocking on the door. So he knocked. No answer. He knocked again. Still nothing. He knocked again but this time way too harder. But no one was in there. The door was locked.

 

 

He went back to his car. So they weren't alone. None of them. Did they travel somewhere? Probably. Neymar felt like such an idiot. He missed training because he was worried about Leo, and he figures out that he's not even at home. He punched the steering wheel. What a stupid person he is. He went home.

 

 

Davi was playing with Neymar's dad. When he saw Neymar he was trying to reach him with his hands, so Neymar lifted him up and inhaled his smell. That's what he needed, his son, that's all that could calm him down.

 

 

Next day, Neymar had to travel to Qatar with Geri to promote their new ad for theit sponsor, the Qatar Airways. Andrés, Luis, Gerard, Leo and Neymar were all part of it, but only him and Gerard had to travel which was kinda weird because Gerard just had a newborn baby, but they couldn't say no. On the plane Neymar was trying to distract himself with something, so he opened instagram on his phone and refreshed his feed. Leo posted 5 minutes ago. Neymar's stomach clenched and he felt like he could see his lunch again at any time. Because on the picture, there was Leo, with Antonella and Thiago, in the snow. Some people may call it a cute family picture, but not Neymar.

What was that? They were literally about to never talk to each other just a few days ago, then what the hell are they doing now? And – Neymar swallowed – why didn't he say goodbye to him? He thought they were better friends than that. He forgave him after not going with him to the doctor, but now he was so worried about him not being okay that he skipped training just to go to his house where he found no one. And now he posts that pic. Well, that's fantastic. Neymar's whole trip that he didn't even want to go to was already ruined.

 

 

They had to pose for stupid pictures and promote things they didn't even like. Neymar and Gerard shared their hotel room. When they stayed alone, Gerard wanted to talk to Neymar about something, anything that could break that awful silence that room had. He wanted to start with a casual topic, but unfortunately it wasn't too casual for Neymar, in fact it was the one thing he didn't want to talk about.

„So what's up with you and Leo?” - Geri asked.

Neymar started choking. He reached for the water bottle and took a few sips before he could answer.

„What do you mean?”

„Well you two seemed to have such a great friendship but since I caught you coming to training together you aren'r even looking at each other. Did you fight or something?”- Gerard really didn't mean to say anything wrong. But Neymar felt like he was dying. Was it that obvious? He tried to act casual.

„I don't know what you are talking about, we are good.... good friends. We are fine. Everthing is fine.” - that was probably the less casual thing he have ever said in his life, or that's what he could conclude from the way Gerard was looking at him, who decided that it was better to stand up and find something to eat.

„I'll go to the restaurant. Wanna come?” - he said, but Neymar wasn't really hungry, even thought he didn't eat that day.

„No thanks, I'll stay here” - he answered.

„Are you sure?” - Geri insisted.

„Yes Geri, I'm sure, just... just go.” - his voice was a little bit louder than usually, so Geri found wiser to leave him alone.

 

 

Leo was sitting in the armchair in front of the fireplace. That was their second day of their little make-up trip, but it wasn't going too well.

 

A few hours before Antonella went out with her friends, and when she got home she was completely drunk. Leo helped her to take her shoes off and sent her to sleep.

 

He was really mad at her. The trip was supposed to be something that fixes their relationship, and not makes it worse, but apparently thats what happened. She was the mom of a 2 years old kid, she shouldn't have allowed herself to go out with friends and come home being drunk.

He was trying to distract his thoughts. And the only thing that came to his mind was Neymar. He felt guilty for not saying goodbye to him, he thought that Neymar must have been worried about him or even mad at him for that. He also knew that his presence was always important for him, and that he would not enjoy the training without him. He remembered that Neymar was supposed to be in Qatar by then. He didn't even wish him a good trip. That was something he couldn't stop thinking about. He wanted to talk to Neymar right then.

 

 

He found his phone on the coffee table and searched for Neymar's name. He pressed the „call” button without hesitating.

 

Neymar was sitting on the hotel bed trying to find something to watch in the TV, when he heard his phone ringing. He thought that it was his dad and Davi Lucca so he pulled the phone out of his pocket with a big smile on his face. But when he saw „Leo” on the screen, he froze.

What did Leo expect? That he can do anything, hurt him in az az and he's gonna forgive him and follow him like a puppy, or even adore him after that? That he's gonna be there for him whenever he wants to, but he can leave him alone at any time? No that's not how it works.

 

 

And while thinking about this, the phone stopped ringing. Leo thought that Neymar may have not heard it, or he didn't find it in time, so he called him again.

This time, Neymar declined it. He didn't want to talk to him.

 

 

Leo found it weird, Neymar have never declined his call, he always answered it after the first beep.

He didn't want to think about it, but he knew, he felt that Neymar was really mad at him.

He opened Thiago's door and hugged his son.

„What if I sleep with you tonight?” - he asked. Thiago was smiling, but something worried him.

„Where's mommy?” - he asked.

„Mommy... was tired and she went to sleep earlier.” - Leo answered a little bit uncomfortably, an older person wouldn't have believed him so he thanked god Thiago was only 2.

 

 

When Gerard came back from the restaurant he saw that Neymar's face was incredibly red and wet.

„Dude are you crying?” - he ran to his bed and sat on it.

Neymar wiped his face.

„No, I'm not...there's something... something in my... eyes.” - he could barely talk and he was still trying to find some air.

Gerard knew Neymar was lying. He hugged him.

„Please tell me what's wrong, maybe I can help you.”

„No you... can't.”

„Fine, just come here then.” - Gerard pulled him closer and Neymar gratefully grabbed his shirt, althought it was something that made him cry even harder. He couldn't tell Geri anything, he didn't even know why he was crying, he just needed to cleanse his soul.

 

 

That was the very first time he cried because of someone he loved. And he could only hope that it was also the last.


	8. Time

Thursday. Neymar's 23th birthday. Also, they were back at training. People on their birthday are usually very depressed because again, they got older, but not Neymar, who was still young enough to be happy about his birthday, so he woke up in a good mood, and he had it until he realized that he had to go to training, where there was a huge chance he'd meet Leo, who he was still mad at.

 

When he got ready and walked out the bedroom his friends and family were already in the living room and they attacked him with their birthday wishes. Neymar was surprised only by the fact that they went there so early, not to mention that they technically broke into his house.

 

In the dressing room, Leo was so excited to see Neymar, he didn't really admit it but he actually missed him and he was worried about the fact that Neymar might be mad at him. When Neymar walked in he greeted everyone, except Leo. Leo waited until he arrived next to him and tried to smile wider than usual.

„Hi, Ney, how was your trip to Qatar?”

Normally, Neymar would faint right there knowing that Leo is looking for his company and asks him about his trip, but that wasn't the case this time. He was pretending to not hear what he said, and not see his cute smile that he always appreciated so much, but this time he didn't even flinch, he kept on fumbling with his bag even thought he wasnt looking for anything, he just wanted Leo to leave him alone.

But Leo didn't give up.

„Ney, do you hear me?”

Neymar didn't answer.

„Are you mad at me for something?”

Leo was about to cry. He didn't like when people were mad at him, he was always known as the guy everybody likes because he was polite and quite and everything positive a person can be described with. And not only the fact that someone was mad at him, but that it was Neymar, who always loved here and stood by his side was hurting him. But he never begged for anyone, he always found smarter to give people time to think. And so did now. Neymar wasn't talking to him and he didn't do anything to change it.

 

 

Neymar was expecting him to at least try harder, not thinking about the fact that he wouldn't answer him anyways. He thought about the day before yesterday, when he was crying on Geri's shoulder. Back then, he didn't know his reasons, but thinking about it deeper it was obvious that because of Leo and the way he treated him. Neymar found himself ridiculous at this point. He was way too sensitive. But it was about Leo. He was always sensitive when it came to Leo. But he wasn't used to getting disappointed in him.

 

 

„Neymar, don't you wanna... dress up or something?” - Neymar heard a voice. He looked up and saw Dani Alves looking at him with a little bit confusedfacial expression. Neymar realized that he was so deeply in his thoughts that he forgot to change his clothes, and most of the teammates have already left the dressing room.

„Umm... sure I'll dress up right now, you just go to training I'll go after you.”- he answered.

Dani wanted to stay and ask questions like he always did, but this time he just walked out without a word. He could talk to Neymar later, but that wasn't the right time.

 

 

During training, Leo did everything to impress Neymar, he passed the ball to him, tried to stand by him at every chance he got, he even remembered that Neymar used to beg him so much to pose for the camera with him but he never wanted to, but this time he did, only for him, it was Neymar's birthday after all, but nothing worked out, Neymar still didn't want to talk to him.

 

 

Neymar have successfully left the training centre without talking to him, so he could focus on his birthday party. Or at least he wanted to focus on it, but his friends told him to just relax, they will organize it all by their own. Neymar chose to take a nap instead. But his party as actually worrying him. He started planning his birthday months ago, and he invited every single one of his teammates, including Leo, and without thinking he told them that they can bring their significant others too. If Leo brings Anto Neymar will never ever even look at him again. But he didn't quiet understand why was he feeling like that.

 

 

At the same time, Leo couldn't wait until he could arrive at Neymar's party. These parties always were the best, Brazilians surely knew how to party, and he knew that this was not gonna change this time either. He was considering on inviting Anto too, but he wanted to spend the evening rather with his friends and someone needed to take care of Thiago, so Anto stayed. Leo got the gift in his hands, which was a black and blue snapback wrapped in cute ball patterned paper, and left the house. Neymar needs to forgive him now.

 

 

Neymar was very busy saying hi to the guests and receiving the gifts, but he didn't open them it would have taken too much time, he just put them all on the table that was put there especially for that purpose. He didn't even have time to greet everybody, and Leo was included in this, but he didn't try to bother Neymar, he thought he had too much things to do and he would be just preventing him from doing what someone who is having a party has to. Instead, hundreds of people went there to him and asked for a picture, most of them were brazilians and he only understood what they wanted because they were holding a phone in their hands, lifting it up. Leo just smiled and the phones did their work.

 

 

Neymar was taking a lot of pictures too, often with the same people that took pictures with Leo aswell, these were the lucky ones, but he was taking pics with his family members and close friends too. He had to blow his candles, tell a speech and just smile for everything, that's what people expected from him, he didn't even see Leo who was secretly observing his every steps from the crowd, waiting for the moment when Neymar was left alone or just wasn't too busy, but that moment somehow never came. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and when he turned around Antonella was standing in front of him with a huge smile, dancing to the music.

„Anto, what are you doing here, where is Thiago?” Antonella stopped dancing and shrugged.

„He is at home sleeping.”

Leo have never been so angry.

„WHAT? DID YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE??” - Leo yelled, but he had to lower his voice because people were looking at them.

„Shhh, Leo everybody's gonna hear you if you keep on screaming like that. Yeah, he is alone but he will be okay.”

Leo felt like Anto was the mosr immature woman on the whole world. Leaving a two year-old kid alone was very irresponsible.

„Grab your coat, we are leaving.” -Leo said and he grabbed Anto's arm and started to pull her through the crowd.

 

 

„Neymar, don't you wanna greet Leo? I think you didn't even thank him the gift yet.” - said Dani Alves when he finally found Neymar. Neymar was surprised.

„Leo? Is he here?” - he asked.

„Yeah he came here all alone and he looked really lonely during the whole night.”

All alone. So he didn't bring Anto. That's exactly what Neymar needed. So apparently Leo wasn't that evil he thought him to be. Of course he wanted to say hi to him.

He was looking for him everywhere but couldn't find him. Jordi was walking towards him, so he grabbed his shoulders and probably a bit more tensely than he should have, he asked him:

„Did you see Leo? Where is he?”

„Chill dude, you are scaring me. Yeah I saw him, he was walking towards the front door, I think he is leaving...”

Leaving? No Neymar had to stop him, that wasn't fair he didn't even thank him the gift. He pushed some people away so he could get to the door as soon as possible. But what he saw paralyzed him. Leo was holding onto Anto's arm and walking out with her. He didn't even look back.

 

 

Neymar was standing in the midde of the room, completely frozen. He didn't move for at least 5 minutes. Leo wasn't alone. He have brought her there. Her, who was hurting him so much. Her, who was the reason they could never hand out together. Her, who despite everything, got to sleep next to him every single night.

The next thing he felt was Dani Alves carefully slapping his face.

„Dude are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost.”

A ghost. That was something Neymar would have rather seen, the thought of it wasmuch better than the truth.

„You lied to me!” - that's all he could say and he pushed Dani away and ran to a dark corner and pressed his forehead against the cold wall. He felt like he had fever. And he still had to survive at least one hour of partying, when all he wanted to do was to go home and hide under the blanket and never leave the bed.

 

 

Leo and Anto arrived home, and Leo was immediately running to Thiago's room, who was calmly sleeping in his bed, and didn't even wake up to Leo placing a little peck on his cheek.

Leo was relieved that nothing bad happened while they were away. But that didn't mean that what Anto did was forgivable.

He exited the room.

„See? I told you that nothing was going to happen.” - Anto said and Leo felt the bored tone in her voice that meant that she probably didn't really care about the fact that she left Thiago all alone in the middle of the night.

„Why did you even come after me?”

Anto shrugged again.

„I wanted to see why were you so excited about that party. And honestly, I still don't understand. It was full of Brazilians.”

„And what is wrong with Brazilians??” - Leo asked feeling a little bit offended since he actually liked Brazilians.

„They're just... weird. Stop sulking, let's go to sleep.” - she said and grabbed Leo's hand, but he pulled it away. He didn't want to go anywhere with her for a while. He needed to feel like he can forgive her for leaving Thiago alone.

 

Neymar got to be in bed around 1 a.m. He left Davi Lucca with his dad, so he didn't have to take care of him before going to bed.

He thought that he wasn't going to need the pills after such a long night, but apparently he was wrong, he couldn't close his eyes for a minute, his thoughts were a mess and technically he forgot to even blink, he was just staring at the window. When his eyes dried and he came back to reality, he took the pill to chase the pain away and finally get some sleep. But he couldn't hide from the problems all the time, and he knew it.


	9. Impossible

He woke up to a ticklish feeling on his neck. And warm breath. With something wet. Someone was kissing his neck. A moan. Someone was kissing his neck while moaning. What the hell? A fan found his house and broke in and is now trying to rape him? He switched on the bedside lamp. The person lifted his head and looked at him. It was Leo. Neymar tried to sit up but Leo was laying over him.

„Leo, what are you doing here?”

„I forgot to wish you a happy birthday.” - he answered shortly, and started kissing his way down Neymar's chest and stomach, and was about to reach his pelvis, when Neymar finally realized what was going on.

„Wait, what are you doing?”

„Shh, each time you say something I'm gonna bite you.”

„What?” - Neymar asked, but he felt strong teeth digging into his flesh, the pain was almost unbearable.

 

 

That's where he actually woke up. His head was badly aching. He looked at his phone to know what time it was, but his vision was blurred, so he rubbed his eyes and looked at it again. 6 a.m. That's pretty early. But...

What the hell was that dream? He have never dreamed about anything like that. He must have been to obsessed with Leo lately and that's why the stress came out in a form of an erotic dream. But why that? This is so fucked up. How will he able to go back to sleep after that? He was too confused. He got up and walked downstairs. He found his mineral water in the fridge and greedily drank it all without even pouring it into a glass.

This is so embarrassing. How will he look into Leo's eyes again? Whenever he gets close he will think about his kissing his stomach. That feeling. It felt so good to have him there, he almost felt ashamed but he really did enjoy the dream.

His head was still aching, and he thanked god he had enough brain not to drink alcohol at the party, he would have had a serious hangover if he had drunk.

He layed down on the couch. What can he do? It was still to early to dress up and go to training. He took his phone – which he brought with himself when he left his room, he was so obsessed with it – in his hand and opened the browser. Without even thinking about it he typed „neymessi” and clicked on the tumblr link. That was becoming a habit of him. There were only a few pics of Leo being at his party, but no pics of Anto. So he was actually there during the whole night but they alway avoided each other somehow. How fortunate, Neymar couldn't have handled seeing Anto there anyways, and he didn't want to think about the fact that if they meet then she wanted to hug him or something like that, it was better off without meeting them.

 

 

He spent one hour lying there forcing himself to think about such things as football and his son, just to distract his thoughts of the dream he had.

 

 

He went to training very early and changed before anyone else, so he could be on the pitch already before Leo even arrived. He was kicking the ball half-heartedly, and it didn't change when the others attacked him with their love, praising him to the skies for organizing such an awesome party, he thanked them even thought he had nothing to do with it, but it was easier than to expaing that it was his friends and family who organized it and blah, blah, blah... He just wasn't in the mood. All that mattered was to avoid Leo, avoid to even look at him, in what Neymar not always succeeded, and when he accidentally looked at him he always started blushing and tried to look away.

Will this ever stop? Not sure.,

 

 

Things got harder in the dressing room where they had to be next to each other whether Neymar liked it or not, but thankfully there was Rafinha who just bought a new bonsai to the living room and he was telling Neymar every details. Neymar even asked him how bonsais are supposed to be treated and where are they coming from, and Rafa was very excited about the fact that someone asked him about his beloved plants, and Neymar was pretending to be listening his stories until Leo finally left the dressing room. Neymar waited 5 minutes just to make sure that Leo went home, and left the dressing room too. Dani was already waiting for him just like always, so they can leave together. He was telling him something about the party and a girl he saw there but she turned him down, but Neymar wasn't really listening.

 

 

Outside, next to the door there was Leo, waiting for someone. When he saw Neymar and Dani he started to walk towards them, but Dani didn't notice it and Neymar didn't want to stop. But eventually Leo arrived next to them. Dani was happy to see him.

„Hey Leo, I was just telling Neymar a story about a girl I saw yesterday, wanna hear it?”

Leo didn't answer, instead he gave Dani a „please just go away I wanna talk to Neymar about something” - look, and Dani understood it, and even thought he had questions he just stopped, which made Neymar and Leo stop as well.

„Guys... I have to go now... because I am meeting my... my hairdresser.” - he said and he didn't even wait for Neymar to say goodbye. Leo was slightly chuckling. That was the worst excuse ever, due to the fact that he didn't have hair, he was completely bald.

 

 

Leo and Neymar were left alone, and as soon as Neymar realized it he started walking to his car in a huge rush, but Leo didn't leave his side.

„Neymar, you have to tell me right now what is wrong with you!”

„Nothing.” - Neymar answered shortly, still not looking at him.

„Then why aren't you talking to me?”

„I am talking to you right now too.”

Leo had enough. Leo grabbed Neymar by his shoulder and stood in front of him, so he was forced to stop. He tried to look away and run to his car, but Leo was holding him too strong, he had no chance.

„Ney, look at me.” - Leo said and grabbed Neymar's face who had to look at him in this way. He was blushing again. That was the first time he looked into his eyes, and he almost forgot how he loved them. They were the most perfect shade of brown he have ever seen.

„Ney, listen to me. I don't know why you are mad at me, but I'm pretty sure we can fix it, but we can't do it if you don't talk to me.” He let go of Neymar's face. „Okay?”

Neymar didn't want to do that. Being with Leo made him feel angry, confused and ashamed at the same time. But he nodded.

„Good. Now tell me, why are you avoiding me?” -Leo asked.

„Why do you think I'm avoiding you?”

„First of all, you decline my call, then you don't answer me when I ask you something, then you don't even look at me, and you completely ignore me at my birthday party.”

„My party? Well, I'm pretty sure you had company and I wasn't needed.”

„What do you mean?” - Leo was a little bit confused.

„Anto. She was there. I saw her.”

„Anto? No she came right before I left, I was alone during the whole night.” - he didn't mention the fact that exactly Antonella was the reason he had to leave. Neymar somehow felt relieved, but he was still mad at Leo, the facts won't change it now.

„And even if she would have been there, why would it bother you?” - Leo asked. That was something Neymar didn't want to answer, so he started walking to his car again, but Leo jumped in his way and stopped him.

„Answer me!”

Neymar was looking for an appropiate answer.

„I just don't like the fact that even thought you are fighting with her all the time, she is the reason you completely neglect your friends, including me.” - Neymar was pretty proud of his answer.

„Because he is my girlfriend!” - Leo answered. This was the point where Neymar stopped focusing on staying calm.

„Then break up with her!! - he was half-yelling. Leo was kinda shocked, he didn't know what to say, all he could screw out of his mouth was a silent „Why?” question.

Neymar didn't actually know why. He thought about his dream. How good it felt. Leo's breath against his neck. Leo's lips against his chest.

 

 

He made a step forward, closer to Leo.

„Are you in love with someone?” - he heard the doctor's words from deep in his brain. He didn't know why he did what he did next, and he might never find it out, but he slipped his fingers under Leo's chin and lifted his head up, and now they were face to face, staring into each other's eyes. Surprisingly, Leo didn't pull his head away, he was looking at Neymar with the exact same confusion and curiousity Neymar was staring at him with. Neymar inhaled his scent. It was minty and sweet at the same time. Everything aroud them felt so hot, like someone would have turned on a huge heater, and now the air around them was boiling.

 

 

„He must be someone very special.” - he heard the doctor again. He had to figure out what was going on with him and his feelings for Leo.

„Now or never”- Neymar thought, and he knew that his time came in this very moment. But holy shit, time for what? Was he seriously doing this? He is not gay. He has no feelings for anyone, especially not Leo. Right?

 

But he couldnt think anymore, so he let his instincts take the control over his mind.

So he lifted Leo's chin up a little bit more, and he bent down.

„That's why.” - he said shakingly, and with no more hesitation, he kissed him.

 

 

It was such a soft and careful kiss, like they were afraid that they might hurt the other. Leo's lips felt He was shaking not only because of he was nervous, but because Leo's lips made him lose his balance, everything felt to be disappearing and it was only them in their own little world. But all his nervousness flew away, when Leo opened his mouth a little bit. It was almost like a feedback for Neymar that Leo was okay with kissing him, so he opened his mouth too.

 

 

They both enjoyed it, althought they would never admit it to themselves. Neymar pull away his hand from under Leo's chin, and put it on his waist instead. Leo ran his hand through Neymar's hair and carefully pulled it, then placed his hands on his face.

 

 

Neymar felt so happy. He just smiled into the kiss. But maybe this, or maybe the sound of the a car alarm starting to sound somewhere nearby, or maybe something else changed everything. Leo pulled his head away, and he looked at Neymar. And what Neymar saw in his eyes, scared him.

 

They were full of fear, anger, and maybe shame. And Neymar felt like his world was crushing down.


	10. All Of Me

„I... I... I'm sorry I shouldn't have...I'm not...” - Neymar tried to save the day but it was impossible.

„What... what are you doing?” - Leo whispered harshly.

Neymar suddenly felt like he was about to faint. His skin was burning, his head was dizzy, his feet lost their balance.

„I... have to go now.” - he said and he ran away like he was running from his worst enemy chasing after him. Maybe he actually was. And those enemies were his own emotions.

 

 

He had to hold on to the wall so he wouldn't fall on the ground, and he hardly found his car and got in it. He laid his head on the steering wheel, and waited for his body to start functioning normally again. He just realized his throat and lips were dry, but he was lacking saliva to get them wet.

Finally he started feeling better, his thoughts were clearer now, but actually, that wasn't a good thing, they were torturing him and he felt like he could go crazy in that very moment. What the hell did he do?

 

 

He lifted his hand to his mouth and carefully caressed it, still feeling the heat of the kiss. He kissed him. He kissed Leo. And he did it because he wanted to. He needed it. And it actually felt so good.

 

 

He leaned back. He screwed it up real bad. Leo will never talk to him again. He will never even look at him again. So, the thing is, that even thought he was a straight he kissed his straight male teammate who has a girlfriend and a kid. He felt like he was the most awful person ever. He felt so damn angry. He was angry at himself for not being able to control his actions, for letting a dream have an influence on him, for thinking, even if just for a moment, that it was okay to kiss someone without their permission. He hit the steering wheel, annd everything he could a few times, his fingers were almost bleeding when he felt like it was enough. But then his anger started coming out in form of huge and salty teardrops. He was pretty sure in the last few day he had cried more than he did in his entire life. But he wiped away his tears. He can't be so weak.

 

 

But... what was the next step? Was he gay now? Will he be able to be with a girl ever again? Was he supposed to wear pink clothes now?

No, he doesn't have to do that. It was nothing. He just wanted Leo to calm down, and that's why he did that.

He kinda calmed himself down with these thoughts, but he still didn't feel like going home or going anywhere, he just wanted to be alone. He spent at least one hour, but maybe even more in his car, but he had to go somewhere, so he started driving. He didn't even know where he was, when he saw a little pub-ish thing hiding in the corner of the street. He wanted to go in, but he thought people would probably recognize him and tell something to the media and that turned out to be a total mess. But he had to try it.

 

 

When he entered, he realized that the pub wasn't that little that it seemed from the outside. The first thing he noticed was the lighting. The lights weren't normal, but they were red, and it gave the pub a very hot and sweaty mood, even thought the temperature wasn't really warm. The wall was made out of brick with wood beams. To the right there were tiny black tables with comfortable-looking red armchairs, to the left there was a huge bar counter with black bar stools that were matching with the tiny tables. And there was a dancefloor.

 

 

There were only a few people in there and low music was playing in the background. It was nice after all.

 

 

Neymar sat down on one of the bar stools and put one of his elbows on the counter, holding up his head. He was ready to go out if paps attack him, or to give auographs if someone recognizes him, but nothing like that happened, everything was so normal that he barely believed it. He was sitting there for a long time, it was getting dark outside and more and more people were arriving to the pub, but Neymar still didn't want to go home he just stayed sitting there, trying to not think about Leo, which wasn't really working out.

 

The bartender finally noticed him.

„You wanna drink something? - he asked.

Neymar shook his head, but he realized that it was probably not polite enough, so he added

„No, thanks.”

If he drank there would be a chance he gets drunk and then he couldn't go to training because of the hangover.

„Bad day?” - the bartender guy asked again. He looked kinda nice, he had black hair and he was also wearing a black shirt with rolled up sleeves that allowed Neymar to see his tattoos.

„You know that feeling when you don't want to feel something because it's wrong, but you just can't stop feeling it because it's deep in your heart and mind and whatever you do you can't shake it? - Neymar basically spilt his heart out to him.

 

The bartender just laughed, he probably got used to listening to people's problems on a daily basis.

„It happens to everyone, dude.” - he answered and poured something into a glass and gave it to Neymar.

Neymar sniffed at it.

„Don't worry, it's just coke.” - the bartender said kindly, and Neymar gratefully drank it because he realized that ever since the kiss his lips had been dry.

 

When Neymar put the glass down and turned around to see the people in the pub, he saw a brunette girl smiling at him kinda flirtingly. He smiled back but he got embarrassed and turned back to the counter. Soon, the girl came right next to him, and sat down without asking if the seat is taken or not. The music got louder and people started dancing.

 

„Are you alone?” -the girl asked. Neymar wasn't really in the mood.

„Yeah, I am.” - he felt like it was obvious.

„May I ask you what is your name?”

Neymar hesitated. First of all, it seemed unbeliavable that she didn't recognize him, and second, if he tells her his name she might actually recognize him.

„It's... José. My name is José.” - he answered finally.

„Well, it's nice to meet you, José. Wanna dance?” - she asked, and pulled him to the dancefloor before he could even answer. She took Neymar's hands and placed them on her waist while she sealed her arms around Neymar's neck. Her dancemove were sexy and flirty, she shook and swayed her body at all the right places. Neymar had met dozens of girls like her, and all of them ended like a one-night stand, and this girl was supposed to be like that too. Because when the song ended, her face inexorably got closer and closer to Neymar's while she was pursing. It was time for Neymar to prove that he doesn't feel anything for Leo or anyone else, that he isn't gay and that that kiss was just a friendly gesture.

 

 

But that wasn't what Neymar wanted. The girl's lips were almost on his, when he pulled his head away, apologized, and ran out of the bar.

He wasn't wearing any jacket and the coldness penetrated his skin until his bones, and he was shivering as he found his car and sat in.

What has he done? He just rejected a girl, who was willing to offer herself to him. This wasn't really Neymar-ish. It never happened to him before. He was so confused. He knew his reason, but it was so hard to admit. He just didn't want someone else's lips to take away Leo's taste, which he was still tasting everytime he licked his mouth, and he was still trembling everytime he thought about it.

„Stop thinking about him, stop thinking about him, STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.” - he said out loud, hoping that his mind might hear it. He just wanted to go home and take a long shower and sleep. Forgetting about everything.

 

 

When Leo went home, Anto greeted him with a kiss on his cheek, which was supposed to be on the mouth but he carefully turned his head away like he had no idea about Anto's intentions, so she had no other choice than to kiss his cheek. And why Leo did that? He felt dirty. He felt like kissing Anto after Neymar wasn't right, and it wouldn't have been fair to her.

„Thiago and I are going to shopping with Daniella. I cooked you dinner, it's in the fridge. See you later.” - she said, and she walked out the door with Thiago in her arms, without even letting Leo to say hi to his son or something.

 

 

Leo took his shoes off, walked upstairs and went straight to the bedroom. He took his jacket off too, dropped it on the floor and laid down on the bed. The sun was shining at him, reaching his eyes, and soon he teared up and had to wipe them. But he didn't care, it felt nice having that warm feeling on his skin. And what else could he think about if not Neymar and his stolen kiss?

 

 

He didn't understand. There is this dude, who praises him to the skies, links up with him on the pitch like no one else does, makes him feel like he was extraordinary more than anyone, and at the same time gives him life and makes him feel 23 again. And when he thinks that maybe their friendship is broken for good, he kisses him.

 

 

But that's not even the most disturbing thing about it. But that he kissed him back. Because there was no point of denying that, he kissed back.

But why would he do such a thing with his teammate? And should he tell it to Anto? Maybe he should, she had to know. But that could split them up, which he didn't want.

And Neymar? What's gonna happen to them? Can they continue being friends or that's not possible anymore.

 

 

Leo didn't get up from that bed that day. He didn't know when, but he fell asleep, and he didn't hear when his son and Anto arrived, he only realized that he was sleeping in his everyday clothes when he woke up in the middle of the night, and Anto was sleeping next to him.

 

 

He got up, and walked downstairs. He felt like he needed fresh air, so he exited the house and sat down on the stairs. The moon was shining down at him brightly, and the stars were glimmer, and he felt like he had changed. Or atleast something had definitely changed in him. Because when he looked at the sky, he saw Neymar's face looking down back at him.

 

„What is happening to me?” - he murmured to the night, not expecting an answer. He knew that hard days were ahead of him.


	11. Fix You

Leo was sitting at the table eating his roasted chicken, alone. He didn't really have appetite lately, so he just kept on pricking the meat with the fork until it looked more like baby food than a normal chicken.

 

It's been a few days sinsce his kiss with Neymar, and they haven't talked to each other ever since then. But it wasn't Leo's fault, it was Neymar who avoided him too, but they both needed time to process what happened and to sort of forget about it, because they both knew that it could never ever happen again.

 

 

Leo decided to not tell Anto about the kiss. He wanted to, but he never got the chance, and when he did he kinda got scared, so at the end he thought that it's better if she doesn't know about it at all.

 

 

Neymar was working on a way to forget and move on, and he kinda found it when he partied with his friends or organized poker parties or just hung out with someone, but it's always been hard when he stayed alone. He didn't tell it to anyone and he sure couldn't face Leo and be like „hey I kissed you on the mouth but we're bros give me a high five”. Just no. He thought he was way too immature and overreacting, after all it was just a kiss, they are going to fix their friendship and everything can go on like it did before.

 

 

Leo wanted to fix it too, he missed Neymar's silly jokes and even more silly laugh, and his adoration towards him but even just his company, him being beside him all the time.

But he just didn't know how to prove Neymar that he was okay with all that, that he wanted to remain his friend even thought he knew that it wouldn't be the same like it was before. But maybe it could get even better, you never know.

 

 

They were having a match against Villarreal, and Neymar seemed very tired, nothing seemed to be working out for him, his passes weren't accurate, his dribbles weren't successful and of course he was afraid of passing to Leo, which he regretted later a thousand times, because he shouldn't bring his private life into his job.

 

 

Leo saw that Neymar was struggling and he wanted to do something to help him, just like always, he remembered that he promised to take care of and make sure he feels good at the team no matter what.

 

So when they were already leading by 3-1, and they got a penalty, Leo whispered in Neymar's ear to take the penalty. Neymar barely believed that Leo actually wanted him to do that, so he obviously got all shaky and nervous. He was ready to score the 4th, to give something to the team that can give us a secure place in the Copa Del Rey final. But when he heard the whistle and he kicked the ball...

 

 

It landed in the goalkeeper's hand. And Neymar felt like he couldn't breathe, that the ground could just open and he would fall in it and that would be the only place he could be safe at. He felt so dissappointed in himself. It was so special. Leo never gave the penalty to anyone else, and it proved Neymar that he was still important to him, and he fucking missed it. What a disgrace.

 

Leo wasn't really interested in the fact that they weren't leading with more goals than 3, but he felt really worried about Neymar, when he saw him looking like he was in a lot of pain. He wanted to make him feel better, and to tell him it was all okay, but it was literally impossible, they still had to play even thought everyone, even the opponent players felt like it was time for the game to end.

 

 

When Leo stepped into the dressing room all he saw was Neymar sitting at his seat burying his head in his hands. Leo knew very well what he felt, he had gone throught this. The same happened to him many years ago. He got a chance to score but he couldn't. And he didn't see Neymar as someone he should be mad at, or someone he didn't want to talk to anymore, but he saw himself in him. The same indomitable but at the same time very vulnerable young man, sitting at his seat, regretting all of his life choices he's ever made.

 

 

The other teammates were trying to cheer Neymar up too, but they weren't stupid, they knew about the deep connection between Leo and Neymar, and they knew that all Neymar needed in that very moment was Leo. Leo sat down next to him, with his legs between the two seats turning completely to Neymar, and now it was only them in their own little world. Leo didn't really know where to start, he was never good at comforting people, but his presence was always comforting enough not just for Neymar, but for everyone.

 

Neymar already felt without looking up for a moment, that Leo was the one who was sitting next to him, his body always reacted very ardently, his heart was beating faster and his palms were sweating. But he couldn't say that Leo being there was helpful, it just made him feel even worse, because Leo gave him the opportunity to score, and he was person he kissed a few days ago.

 

„Neymar...” – Leo started. Neymar didn't react, didn't even move, but Leo knew he was listening, so he continued.

„I know you think that what you did, or more correctly you didn't do was inexcusable, but look at the result: we won. And we will need you and your confidence to win the next game too.”

Neymar still didn't move, he wanted to know where Leo was going with his little speech.

„Look... I gave you that penalty because I wanted you to feel better. Maybe it was my fault, I should have known that you were feeling tired. But please, don't blame yourself, nothing happened, it was just one bad game, let's forget it as quickly as we can. No one thinks you did something wrong. I know, because the same happened to me many years ago. But I didn't let it to ruin my confidence and see where I am now. I am the number one penalty kicker. And you will be too once.” – Leo sightly laughed while remembering his past mistakes. He saw that Neymar was still not reacting so he wanted to stand up, but Neymar finally lifted his head up, and looked at him, with a bitter half-smile curving on his lips.

„I know. I know I can get better. It's just... so damn hard. I know that everyone will be talking about it. But I will be okay.” - he said, and suddenly he remembered that they still had something to discuss.

„I thought you were mad at me about the k-...” – he put his hand to his mouth and frightenedly looked around. No one else was listening, except Leo of course. „About you know what. I know that you didn't want that, and I swear I didn't want that either, it was only a moment of weakness, we both were so upset and I wanted it to change, and what I told you... just forget it please, I just want you to be happy whether it contains spending time with me or not. And I'm not surprised if you don't ever want to talk to me anymore, I understand.”

 

 

Leo sighed. Neymar was so wrong about that. He took Neymar's hand in his, and looked at it, playing with his fingers. Neymar let him to do it.

„I am not mad at you, Neymar. I know that it will never happen again, and it would be a pity if such a thing ruined our friendship. Let's just forget it, okay?”

Neymar nodded. What else could he do. He was actually happy that Leo was okay with all of that.

This time Leo actually stood up to leave, but once again he looked around to see if anyone is watching, and when he realized that the asnwer is still „no”, he bend down and gave a small peck on Neymar's forehead.

 

 

It wasn't romantic at all,it was more like a friendly gesture, but it meant the world to Neymar.


	12. Stay with me

„Leo please. At least look at me.” - Leo heard Neymar's voice, but it was more like an echo, he didn't see, hear or feel anything, he just wanted to skip back in time, start the game again and do something that reminds everyone of who he is, something that makes people say it can be described with one word, and that word is „Messi”, like they always do when he is playing well. But it was impossible. They lost. They had the chance to take the lead in the league, even if it was only for one day, but they wasted it. And Leo, just like always, was blaming himself.

 

„Leo, if you don't talk to me I can't help you.” - said Neymar again. He was devastated too. But he always felt better when he didn't see Leo being upset or sad, but that wasn't the case this time, and he wanted to do anything to cheer him up. But Leo was sitting on his seat, massively staring at the floor without moving. Neymar was standing on his knees in front of him, doing everything he could to make him at least move.

 

„If you don't say something, I'm going to start singing and dancing, and I'm sure you don't want that.” - It was pretty much Neymar's last attempt.

Leo shrugged. He knew that Neymar was crazy, but he wasn't that crazy to be so disrespectful to start dancing after they lose. He had no idea that Neymar was serious.

Neymar formed a microphone with his hand and cleared his throat, then started to sing the first song that came to his mind.

„Nossa, nossa  
Assim você me mata” - he stopped for a moment to see if Leo reacted, but he felt the need to continue.

„Ai, se eu te pego,  
Ai, ai, se- …” - Leo pressed his hand against Neymar lips and looked at him seriously. Neymar got a little bit scared of that look, he was always afraid of pissing Leo off, and with his nature he had to be very careful, but Leo slightly started to smile.

„Alright, what do you want?” – he asked and he finally let go of Neymar.”

„I want you to stop blaming yourself, or at least talk about it with someone. And by someone I mean me.”

 

Leo found weird that Neymar was suddenly acting like they were best friends again when in the last few days they barely noticed each other. Yes, they talked sometimes, but it still wasn't the same as before.

 

„There is nothing to talk about. We lost. It's over now.” - Leo answered bitterly.

„Yes, but I know you. You are blaming yourself. It was just one game, we still can win any other games.” - Neymar tried to sound comforting, but his voice was shaky and insecure.

Leo narrowed his eyes at him.

„I don't think I am the one who came to the dressing room crying and banging his head against the wall.”

 

That was something Neymar didn't want to remember of, he had really hard time dealing with the loss as well, but he was amused by the fact that under the veil of sadness lying on his mind, Leo still

saw how Neymar reacted when finally there was only them, without the cameras capturing every moment.

Neymar crossed his arms over his chest.

„I had to let it out. But it's better now. Really.”

„Of course it is.” - Leo sounded very sarcastic, but the corners of his lips tugged upwards into a soft smile.

„That's how I like it.” - Neymar chuckled, playfully pinching Leo's pale cheeks.

 

 

„Now go home and get some rest.” - Neymar instructed Leo, but Leo shook his head.

„I don't want to go home yet. I'm not ready.” - he answered. He didn't want to tell Neymar the actual reason, that he was afraid that after being so quiet lately, he might fight with Anto again because of his tense mood.

„Then come to me.” - Neymar offered.

Leo hesitated. It might be awkward to stay alone with him after the kiss. But maybe it was a good idea to give it a try. What can happen?

Neymar saw Leo's hesitation, so he added:

„I would be alone anyways.”

„I like being alone.”

Neymar chuckled.

„I know you do. Come.” - he said, and he sat in his car to go home. Leo followed him.

 

 

„Can I sit down?” Leo asked warily.

„When did you have to ask for my permission to sit down in my house?” - Neymar grinned.

Leo shrugged and sat down on his usual place in the middle of Neymar's couch.

„Wanna eat something? Or maybe drink?” - Neymar shouted from the kitchen.

„No, thanks.” - Leo answered, but he wasn't able to shout so he sounded like he was sick, so shaky and so low.

 

Neymar sat down next to him. Leo impulsively movedaway a few inches , as if he was afraid of Neymar finding his way to his lips again and he couldn't escape this time. Not because he didn't want it, but because he was afraid of not being capable of resisting him and doing something that he might regret later.

Neymar noticed that, but he thought that his presence was uncomfortable for Leo, even thought he didn't want to try kissing him again, he knew that it was a huge mistake, and he was more grateful than even for Leo being fine with remaining friends with him.

 

„So today's game-...” Neymar started, but Leo cut him off.

„Can we just sit here enjoying the silence in peace without mentioning how bad we screwed up today? Please?” - he asked a bit harshly.

Neymar nodded.

 

He felt blessed because of Leo including him in this sweet hour of silence, which was definitely his thing. Sometimes he didn't speak for hours, he just closed his eyes and listened to the silence, which was often interrupted by car horns, birds or crazy kids happily playing on the street. And he enjoyed it.

 

It wasn't that easy for Neymar thought. He was always doing something, the possibility of staying calm for ten minutes or even more scared him. But it was for Leo, he had to force himself not to start speaking or singing or watching the TV.

 

Leo indeed closed his eyes, but he didn't look upset anymore. He looked relaxed and peaceful. Sometimes he opened his eyes and looked around the room, then closed them again. And everytime he did so, Neymar was following his stare and hoped that he might say something, but he never did. They stayed like that for several minuted, and each minute seemed like an eternity for Neymar.

 

„You know...” - Leo finally started - „Every time we lose I blame myself, and I say that this was the last time, that I'm not going to make mistakes anymore. But then I prove myself wrong over and over again. This is not what people are expecting from me. They want me to show them my best every time I play. And you know what? They are right. I should mean the difference. I should be the one who is there to score when the others have a bad day. But I failed. Again.”

Neymar hardly swallowed.

„I know what you mean, I blame myself too. But you can't keep on brooding over it. You have to let it go and concentrate on the future. I have learned it from my past mistakes, and now I' handling the losses better. It hurts when it happens, but it's only temporary. You forget it when you win again.” - he tried his best to give Leo the most comforting words, and he even run out of breath while concentrating.

 

Leo was surprised by Neymar's wise words, because he actually felt like he was right.

He unexpectedly put one of his arms around Neymar's shoulders and gave him a pat on his head.

„Thank you.” - he said, but he didn't have time to tell why he thanks him, because in that moment, he felt something moving at his feet, and when he looked down he saw Neymar's dog, Poker snuggling up to him on the couch, hiding his white little head under Leo's forearm.

„Hey buddy.” - Leo welcomed him, and pet his head.

 

Neymar smiled dumbly at the beauty of Leo playing with his dog. It was very unusual, because Poker was either not there or hiding in one of the rooms.

 

„So now we have to concentrate on Manchester City I guess.” - said Leo turning back to Neymar, with his hand still resting on Poker's back.

 

Neymar just raised his hand, hoping that Leo takes the hint and high fives him. He did. And now they were ready to face Manchester City, without letting the loss affect them. It belonged to the past now.


	13. Had Enough

„We won!” - Gerard screamed from the top of his lungs, as they went back to the locker room after beating Manchester City 1-2.

„Chill dude, the tie is still open, we scored only two.” - Mascherano replied, but Gerard was way too happy to listen to him, and well, the other teammates were the same too, they all were in a mood that people could have easily thought that they just won the Champions League, they were already talking about getting „wasted together when they get home, even thought Luis Enrique would definitely not be happy about that, but that just made it seem like an even better idea.

 

But two people weren't that happy. Leo and Neymar.

 

Leo heard what Mascherano replied to Gerard, and it hurt him more than anything, because he was right, the tie was still open. And it was sort of his fault. He got a penalty in the last minute, and he missed it. He missed the penalty that could ensure them getting further in the Champions League. How ironic that the same happened to Neymar not so long ago, now Leo was in the same situation. And he knew what Neymar felt, and that the things he told him to comfort him weren't actually comforting enough, he couldn't feel better if someone told him those things.

 

He was just sitting at his locker, completely isolating himself, and hell if someone dared to come near him. Not even Neymar, who had his own problems as well, since when Leo missed the penalty a City fan started insulting him, and that really pissed him off, not even because he got those insults but because it was because of Leo's penalty miss.

 

He was thinking about cheering Leo up, but it really seemed a better idea to leave him alone, and everybody thought that way, and Leo was glad they did so, he wanted to be alone.

 

Neymar was rather try to be worried about him getting a punishment after his argument with the fan, because he lost his temper for a minute and he tried to hurt him physically, luckily the security guards were all there in his way, not to stop Neymar but to stop the fan, but they were really needed there because if they wouldn't have been there Neymar surely had done something he might regret in his entire life.

 

 

Their mood didn't change on the plane either. Just like always, Neymar was sitting with Dani Alves, who was feeling kinda guilty, because when he got subbed off he kicked a water bottle, and the ather splashed all over the people around him. It was surely a game they won't forget at anytime soon, this amount of drama is not regular at Barca matches.

„Do you think people will be mad at me because of that bottle thing?” - Dani asked Neymar, who was staring out the plane's window during the whole fight, and that was the first time he turned around to say something.

„I think they felt blessed for getting splashed by Dani Alves himself. And our fans will be only laughing at it. You have nothing to worry about.” - he answered and forced himself to lightly laugh for a short second.

„Ney, why are you acting so weird? We won!” - Dani groaned and he formed a 2-1 with his fingers and pushed his hands right in Neymar's face, and Neymar had to close his eyes if he didn't want to get a finger in them.

„Get your dirty fingers off of me!” - he yelled jokingly, without giving him an answer. Dani then decided to not dwell on it anymore, but he diagnosed in himself that everyone is so weird and depressive lately that he should look for other friends to joke around with, fortunately he had plenty of teammates who were pretty ludicrous.

 

„I am transforming into Leo with all these sulkings and dwellings and staying rather quiet than to talk about my problems. I'm gonna transform into a Leo-clone if I continue like this.” - ran through Neymar's mind this ridiculous thought, which wasn't actually that ridiculous as it seems when you first hear it. He was indeed changing, sometimes on purpose and sometimes not, but it wasn't bad for him, he was just getting more mature, or at least that's what it seemed. And despite everything, he still considered Leo as his idol, so beggining to be similar to him wasn't something that saddened him.

 

When they finally arrived at Camp Nou where they all left their cars, everybody agreed on going somewhere to celebrate. Everybody, except Leo, who told them that he is tired and he wants to go home.

 

Neymar wasn't in the mood of celebrating either but he wanted to go so he could spend more time with Leo, so when Leo rejected the invitation Neymar relievedly did so too, and he was ready to go home, take a shamefully long bath and stare at the ceiling until he falls asleep.

 

So when Leo walked away from the group, he apologized and said he had a headache and he wanted to go home. The others didn't want to accept his decision and they wanted him to change his mind, but Neymar could be very stubborn sometimes and usually if he wanted something he got it, just like this time he didn't want to go with them and it didn't matter how hard the others were trying to convince him he should go, he didn't. It wouldn't be the same without Leo anyways.

 

When he finally found his car, he saw that Leo was standing next to it. Neymar stopped. If he has to start a conversation with him then he's going to hurt him somehow because he doesn't know what to say.

„Hey, are you waiting for... someone?” - Neymar asked and to hide his embarrassment, he opened the trunk to put the luggages in it.

„I was waiting for you.” - Leo answered in his wasn't-that-obvious voice.

„But... how did you know I wasn't going to celebrate with the others?” - Neymar frowned confusedly.

Leo just shrugged his shoulders.

„I felt it.”

Neymar opened his mouth to say something but he didn't know what, so he closed the trunk and then... nothing happened.

It was supposed to be an awkward silence, but with Leo, silence never felt unpleasant, or at least Leo didn't feel like it and that made the other person be comfortable with the situation too.

But when Neymar turned around to face him, Leo finally broke the silence.

 

„See? I told you that everyone can make mistakes. And I made huge mistake today. I just realized what you felt after... after you missed that penalty.” - he was forcing himself not to start crying but at the same time he felt relieved now that he could talk about it with someone. And he knew that Neymar would always listen to everything he says.

Neymar hardly swallowed. He didn't know what to answer him.

„But-..” - Leo continued - „I think my mistake will cost us more than yours.”

„I... I think that... I don't know...” - Neymar was stuttering, because damn what was he supposed to say? He as surely not good at making people feel better, and last time he tried to make Leo feel better he ended up singing and dancing.

 

Leo raised his eyebrows. That was surely not the answer he expected, but he got used to Neymar being nervous around him, and somehow he found it adorable. He made a step toward Neymar.

 

„What are we doing?” - he asked.

„What do you mean? - Neymar asked back, and he really didn't know what Leo was talking about.

„Why are we pretending that it never happened?”

„What... what never happened?” - Neymar still didn't understand.

„That you kissed me.”

 

Neymar scowled, but his palms got sweaty and he felt dizzy.

 

„I did but... but you kissed me back!” - he replied.

 

Leo sighed. Neymar was right. He did kiss him back. People somehow always forget that part, whenever one steals a kiss from another.

„And I kissed you back.” - he made another step forward, and now they were only a few inches away from each other. „I can't pretend anymore that it didn't happen.”

„Yeah but I thought that we could be fr-...” - Neymar started but he couldn't continue because he felt Leo pressing him and pinning his hands against the car, which was kinda uncomfortable because the car's door handle was right at his butt, but Leo was kissing his neck sucking on it, leaving hickeys all over his skin, and he would not change that if there were a thousand door handles pressing against his ass.

„Leo.” - he moaned.

Leo growled against his neck and he slid his hand under Neymar's pants, squeezing his ass.

„Leo, I...” - Neymar started again, but Leo cut him off by thirstily kissing his mouth.

Neymar stood there frozen as if he needed time to process that Leo was agressively kissing him, but 6 seconds later he was already kissing him back completely desperately.

 

Leo loosened his grip on Neymar's left hand, which allowed Neymar to run his finger's through Leo's short hair. Leo deepened the kiss and slid his tongue over Neymar's lips in a quest for entrance. Neymar gasped and he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue inside Leo's mouth.

 

The feeling when their tongues first met made Neymar completely lose his balance, if Leo wouldn't have been there holding him he would surely have fallen on the ground,

 

Leo finally broke the kiss for a moment, just to breathe, but then he kissed Neymar again longing for more and more of him.

 

That was the first time Neymar realized how freaking good Leo tasted, a sweetness that couldn't be compared to anything, and he was already addicted to that heavenly taste that made him feel like there was nothing on this world except him and Leo.

 

Leo gentled the kiss and sipped at his mouth for one last time, and with a few more brushes of his lips against Neymar's, he ended it.

 

Their eyes came open and they both were gasping, trying to normalize their breathing again.

 

Leo looked deep into Neymar's eyes, and his lips twitched into a content smile.

„Good night.” - he said, and he left Neymar standing there, being completely breathless, holding onto the car's door handle trying to find some support.

 

 

There is no way everything could go back to normal again.


	14. It Was Always You

„How about Hawaiian?” - asked Neymar typing the restaurant's number on his phone, looking at Leo with puppy eyes hoping that he wants to eat something else other than cheese pizza that they always order. Leo was sitting at Neymar's kitchen table looking down on his phone, and Neymar was wondering if he was texting someone or doing something very important that can't wait because he seemed very engaged, so much that he didn't even look at Neymar while answering, so basically Neymar's puppy eyes were useless.

„No.” - he answered shortly.

 

It's been a few days since Leo attacked Neymar with his lips at the parking lot, and after that everything was different. They weren't on bad terms, not at all, but they always got nervous around each other, or at least Neymar got nervous, but that's nothing new, he's always been like that.

 

Leo was rather feeling guilty and at the same time elated. Guilty, because he had his girlfriend at home who had no idea about what was going on behind her back, and elated because he finally realized that trying to push emotional thoughts and feelings out of his mind was a terrible idea, and by giving way to the lust and desire and kissing Neymar he didn't have to wonder anymore what was that awful feeling sitting on his chest. Clearly, Neymar made him feel better and happier, and spending time with him was still something that made him forget about the world's problems and just enjoy the moment.

 

But they weren't spending much time together. They didn't avoid each other, but at the same time they weren't looking for the other's company all the time. Everytime Neymar saw Leo or just thought about him, he wanted to go there and say something, but he didn't know what and he wasn't quite sure how to handle this 'you kissed me in the parking lot like there was no tomorrow' thing, so he didn't do so, and Leo, he felt like he didn't deserve that, so he denied this guilty pleasure from himself.

 

But when you feel like that about someone, you'll eventually find your way to him, and that's what happened to Leo too, he went to Neymar's house everytime he wanted to, and Neymar was always lookig forward to these occasions, and he felt heartbroken everytime Leo couldn't make it to his house, he immediately thought that he did something wrong and he might never see him again, but Leo always came sooner or later. They usually played Fifa or watched a TV show, maybe a movie, or just talked about their days, never did something romantic since none of them felt like that was the right time and place for that, so of course they never repeated the kiss and never talked about it again.

 

„But please, I like Hawaiian pizza.” - Neymar kept on begging and because the puppy eyes weren't

effective, he switched to his flattering voice, lengthening every word he said.

Leo still didn't look up of his phone and Neymar found it pretty disturbing.

„No.” - he repeated.

„No, is not an option. We are ordering Hawaiian.” - replied Neymar confidently, and he was so proud of himself that he was brave enough to go against Leo's word and for once in his life not listen to him in everything.

 

Leo lifted his head up.

„You know what? Fine. Order whatever you want.”- he said.

Neymar shook his head. That wasn't even fun anymore. If he agrees with him then it's not satisfying. And how the hell could he think for a minute that he could resist him? So stupid.

He finally pressed the „call” button.

 

„Hello, I'd like to order a Cheese Pizza to the name Neymar Jr...” - here he told the address and he hung the phone up. When he looked at Leo he was looking back at him frowning. Neymar crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against he kitchen counter.

„I thought you wanted Hawaiian.” - Leo said still frowning.

Neymar shrugged.

„I wouldn't like it knowing that you wanted something else.” - he answered.

Leo just rolled his eyes and turned to his phone again. Neymar always wanted to please him. Sometimes it could get very annoying.

 

Neymar sat down next to Leo hugging his legs to his chest.

„What are you doing?” - he asked trying to sound more curious than nervous about the answer.

Leo didn't answer, so Neymar indiscreetly looked at his screen. Leo was playing.

„So, you ignored me all these time because you were playing Candy Crush?” - he asked pretending to be offended.

Leo stopped the game.

„I wasn't ignoring you.”

„Well you seemed to be focusing more on the game then on me, I thought you were doing something important.”

Leo looked at him.

„You know that I'm always listening. Even when I'm not looking at you, I always listen to what you say. Why do you think that I don't care about you as much as you care about me?” - he asked.

Neymar didn't answer, he could only gaze at him in astonishment. There was something in Leo's voice that made him cringe.

 

„You know, I was about to break my own Candy Crush record, but...” - Leo pouted and he closed the game, and he was very aware of Neymar watching it. „But you're right, I should be focusing more on you.

Neymar suddenly felt guilty. It must have been hard for Leo to bear him, with all his obsession, and over-reacting, he wished that he was less annoying and less worried about everything. But Leo always confused him. Once he didn't even acknowledge his existence, the other he wanted to come over and be with him, of course he was worried. The silence was slowly descending upon the room, and Neymar was afraid that if it stays like that, Leo might find him not as entertaining as he used to do, and that he would mean he doesn't come to him anymore, but then he remembered something.

„By the way, I wanted to show you something I noticed a few weeks ago.” - he said, and he reached over to take Leo's phones out of his hands. That movement may seem like a breach of privacy to some people, but Leo didn't mind, he had nothing to hide and he knew very well that Neymar's idea of personal space was very different than other people's.

 

„So I found this while scrolling through my Instagram, and then I saw it on Tumblr as well.” - he said and he handed the phone to Leo.

Leo looked at the screen.

„Neymessi?” - he asked.

Neymar bit his lower lip and flashed a cheeky smile to Leo.

„Yeah. That's what people call us. Neymessi.”

Leo started scrolling. He saw tons of pictures and gifs he didn't remember of, but when he saw them the memories all came back and he couldn't help but smile realizing how many things they have been through already althought that was only Neymar's second year there. Leo just kept on scrolling and Neymar was looking at his reactions silently, trying to know what he thinks by reading his face, but except a half smile he didn't see anything, and he had to realize that getting to know what Leo thinks is the hardest thing ever.

 

Finally, Leo closed the page.

„So, what do you think?” - Neymar asked and his excitement came back.

„It's... interesting.” - Leo answered and he looked at Neymar, right in his eyes.

„Interesting. That's not the answer I expected.” - Neymar replied disappointedly, but Leo's stare made him shiver and suddenly breathing became very hard and complicated. He started leaning forward, still looking into Leo's eyes.

„Then what did you expect?” - Leo asked as if he wouldn't know the answer already.

Neymar swallowed. Leo's head was so close to him, it was a true miracle that he didn't faint, so answering his question was impossible, he had to concentrate on more important things, like triyng to breathe sometimes, for example.

 

Leo made that mistake that he looked down for a moment, at Neymar's lips. Those lips that felt so good against his. He knew, that if something didn't interrupt them, he woud do something that he could regret again. Neymar's eyes were half closed, waiting for their lips to meet.. But then...

 

They heard the doorbell.

„It must be the pizza guy.” - Leo whispered hoarsely.

Neymar jumped up as quickly as he could and started searching for his wallet. When he found it he walked to the door and paid for the pizza. When he came back Leo was still sitting at the table, staring at his hands.

„Here it is.” - Neymar put the pizza on the table. „So, do you want a plate or something?”

 

Leo lifted his head up, and suddenly Neymar felt insecure again. The tension felt unbearable.

Then Leo stood up and made an unexpected statement.

„I should probably go now.” - and he started running to the door quickly, but Neymar ran after him.

„What? Why? You just came! Am I supposed to eat the pizza alone?? I ORDERED IT FOR YOU!- he yelled.

„I told you to order whatever you want to.”

„Okay, but I wanted you to be happy. Did I say something wrong?”

Leo stopped and sighed.

„No, you didn't.”

„Then why do you want to leave all of sudden? What are you afraid of?”

Leo turned around and grabbed Neymar by his collar.

„I'm afraid, that if I stay I might do something that is not right.” - he answered a little bit agressively, as if being agressive could cover what he was actually feeling.

Neymar didn't get scared of him. He knew that Leo would never hurt him. He slowly grabbed Leo's hands that were still holding onto his shirt, and slowly loosened his grip, then placed them on his waist. Should he take the risk or not? Whatever he says will have an influence on the future. Hard decision for someone who can't even decide what to wear in the mornings.

 

„I like being wrong if it's with you.” - he answered. So he took the risk. And how good he did. That was enough for Leo to break and give space to the sexual tension. He leaned forward and captured his lips just like the last time, but now without asking for entrance he slid his tongue in Neymar's mouth, hungrily sucking and biting on his lips.

 

Neymar didn't hesitate either, he jumped on him and wrapped his legs around his waist, with his arms strongly sealed around his neck. Leo slid his hands under his butt cupping on it while carrying him until the living room, laying him down on the couch with their hips pressed together as much as possible.

 

Leo left his lips and started kissing his neck. His tongue gently grazed his skin working his way down, then back to his neck again gently biting on his earlobe.

 

Neymar bit his lower lip and let out a loud moan, sliding his hands under Leo's shirt, leaving scratch marks all over his skin.

Leo groaned. That will be hard to explain.

 

His lips were now back on Neymar's. His tongue wrestled with his as he deepened the kiss, his hands were now in Neymar's hair. 

 

 

Leo was right, it was wrong. But it felt so right.


	15. Mirrors

When you're forced to work with people and you get to know each other they notice when something is going on with you. They see when you're sad, they see when you're happy, and of course they see when you're in love. You hope that they don't notice it, but sooner or later they always do, you can't hide it for so long. Sometimes they want to talk about it with you, sometimes they pretend to not know anything. And you can't run away or can't lie when they finally willing to ask you.

 

But what happens when two people from that group start to act weird at the same time? Everyone remains silent. Whispering behind their back. Suspicious looks. Curiosity.

 

That's exactly what happened to Leo and Neymar when they confused each other by having secret meetings and kisses, day after day. But they didn't want to admit that they had feelings for each other, and they blamed the other for being so irresistible that they never could say stop and end what they had, IF they even had something and it wasn't just a passing fancy.

 

 

Leo was sleepily sitting at his locker before training, staring at Neymar who was changing his clothes. He was thinking about the reason he just wants to go there and grab him and kiss every inch of him and never let him go. And that was actually driving him insane. He was sure Neymar wouldn't notice his stare, but Neymar was feeling it. He always felt if someone looked at him. He looked back at Leo and winked at him.

 

Leo's face turned red and he started tying his shoes in a huge rush. Damn why was Neymar doing that? Someone could notice the wink and figure out what it meant. But why was he feeling excited over the thought that they had a secret?

 

When they were done dressing up he caught Neymar going out to the training pitch, and covering his mouth so no one else could see or hear it, he told him his concerns.

„I feel like they know.” - Leo wished he could talk to someone else about it, not Neymar, but only the two of them knew.

„They know what?” - Neymar asked, and he started warming up while still walking next to Leo. He knew what Leo was talking about, but he wanted to hear it from his mouth, simply because it felt good hearing it.

„That you and I... you know.” - Leo didn't want to say it out loud, he was afraid that if he says it, it all becomes real and that he couldn't handle.

„No, don't worry no one knows. I didn't tell anyone.” - Neymar answered smiling, and he ran away to show off his new skills to the others.

Leo was looking at his receding figure for a while, but then Luis arrived next to him and he wanted to tell a story about his daughter and so Leo couldn't focus on Neymar anymore.

 

After training, Leo went to the locker bathroom to wash his face. He stared at his own reflection. He just realized what he was doing. And he didn't like it. He almost felt dirty and ashamed, even his reflection disgusted him. He had to end it. He isn't gay. He has a girlfriend. And it wasn't fair to fool Neymar. If someone found out about him and Neymar that could end his career. People wouldn't tolerate. And it's not that he would ruin his career, he have achieved everything he wanted, but it would ruin Neymar's too, who still had a whole life ahead of him. Goals, dribbles, trophies, endless celerations, he can't just take it all away from him by not being able to say no

He washed his face again as if he could wipe off the shame and guilt with water.

 

The door opened. Leo didn't turn around, he saw in the mirror who it was. Neymar.

Leo bitterly smiled. Who else would go after him?

 

Neymar walked right behind him and hugged him from behind, lowering his head so he could press it against Leo's, then he placed a small kis on his head.

„You worry too much.” - he mumbled and Leo could feel his warm breath on his neck and it made him tremble for a fleeting moment before he came back to reality again, where he had to stay professional and talk to Neymar about what he wants.

„Well, I have a reason to.” - he tried to be objective but his voice faltered as Neymar gently sucked on his earlobe and then started kissing his neck again, pressing his mouth against it leaving slow and long kisses wherever he could.

„Mmm no.” - Neymar groaned, and then he lowered his voice into a flirtatious whisper. „Just forget about it.”

„Ahh. It's hard to forget about something that is sucking on your neck in this very moment.” - Leo moaned closing his eyes.

Neymar lifted his head up to the height of Leo's head and made sure that their heads are touching, then he closed his eyes too enjoying the moment.

„True.” - he replied in a resigned voice.

Leo took both of Neymar's hands in his hands and inhaed his smell, even thought he was sweaty Leo only could smell the sweet Neymar-scent he always loved.

„Aren't you afraid that someone opens the door and finds us like this?” - he asked.

„I wish everyone would find it out. Then I knew it's real.” - Neymar answered.

Leo sighed loudly. His heart was aching because he knew what was coming.

„Neymar?”

„Hmm?”

Leo turned around making sure that their bodies don't touch anymore, and he looked straight in his eyes.

„We can't do this anymore. It's not right and no one would understand it.”

Neymar suddenly felt like his legs were melting and the world was spinning, and he grabbed the sink so he wouldn't fall over.

 

So this moment has arrived too. And the worst thing about it is that Leo was right. He just hoped that it would last a little bit longer.

„I know.” - he nodded.

 

They walked to their cars together, and since they parked next to each other they could hide between the cars.

„Soo... this is goodbye. Right?” - Neymar asked trying not to sound emotional swallowing his tears and he hated himself for that.

„Right.” - Leo sighed. „Neymar I want to say so many things I mean first of all I'm sorry and I wish...”

Neymar shushed and he put his fingers on Leo's lips so he stopped talking. Then he slipped his hand to his neck and pressed his lips against his lips for a long and gentle kiss. And that was it. That was their goodbye kiss.

 

Leo wanted to fix his life and get back to his normal life, the life before Neymar. And the first thing he needed to fix was his relationship with his girlfriend and he needed the reassurance that Neymar was just an experience. But then he felt terrible for thinking that about Neymar.

 

Anyways, when he got home the first thing he did was kissing Anto. He hadn't done that ever since his first kiss with Neymar, and Anto got surprised so much that she wanted to ask him what he was doing, but Leo didn't let her.

He carried her in his arms until they bedroom and laid her down on the bed. This was his chance to forget Neymar. To let the world be in it's right order again.

Anto started taking his shirt off and Leo started kissing her neck. But then. Something went wrong.

 

Because he immediately thought about how just a few hours ago Neymar was holding him, doing the same thing he was doing to Anto then. And how good it felt. How he closed his eyes just to enjoy it more. And Neymar's voice when he told him he was the problem. It's like he knew and he was expecting the answer. And he still couldn't let go of him. And when he grabbed the sink and he still tried to look like he was cool with all of that. Leo never told him but he always knew exactly what he felt.

„Leo? Are you okay?” - Leo heard Anto's voice. He lifted his head up.

„I'm... fine. Why?”

„I dont know, you just stopped moving and I thought you weren't feeling well.

Leo realized he indeed stopped moving because he was too distracted by his own thoughts.

„I... I”m sorry.” - he apologized and he run out of the room.

When he finally was alone he banged his head against the wall twice. He fucked it up again. How could he think about Neymar with his girlfriend beneath him? This didn't make any sense. And what he wanted was to go to Neymar and forget about it. But he couldn't, and he knew it. He can ever ever go to Neymar's house, he will learn to live without him even if it will be the hardest thing he has ever done. He doesn't need Neymar. Neymar's just a kid. And he doesn't even like him.

 

And the he realized he was going crazy...

 

 

Neymar was actually in a good mood when he got home, he was even singing and dancing around the living room. He decided that ending the thing they had with Leo was a good thing. At least he won't be confused anymore, he knows what Leo thinks about him.

 

But everything reminded him of Leo. The couch where they were sitting so much, and where they made out so passionately, and how he was laughing when they were so eager and fast that the pillow fell off.

 

The kitchen table where he showed him the „Neymessi” thing. And the kitchen where they were making that pizza, that night when Neymar thought he would get a happy end, when finally after weeks of suffering he could sleep well again because he heard Leo breathing and talking next to him, and holy fuck he just realized how much it meant to him, how much he just wanted to touch him and that it was so hard to stop himself and convince himself Leo wouldn't have been happy if he did it.

 

And he panicked because everything he felt then came back, and he wished he could turn his emotions off so he would't feel it, feel what he didn't allow himself to feel for such a long time, even with his lips on his lips, and his arms sealed around him.

 

That he didn't know how to live without Leo.

 

One would think that if they felt that way, and they were both terrified of the fact that they have to live and move on without each other then the next day they'd be running to each other's arms and don't let go of each other ever again.

 

But Neymar and Leo, they both were too stubborn. They had a agreement and hell if they break it.

 

So next day when they met, it felt like Neymar's first days at Barca again. They said hi to each other and that's it.

Neymar was internally screaming all the time and Leo wished he could go home and hide under a blanket, but they kept their promise.

 

Or at least for now...


	16. I Wanna Be The Rain

Neymar and Leo kept their promise, they stayed far away from each other. But it doesn't mean that it was easy. It was hard.

 

Every single day, Neymar spent hours laying on his bed thinking about Leo. And he often ended up with tears rolling down his face soaking his pillow. He wanted to talk to him, to tell him how much he misses him, but again, that was impossible. He spent almost every night with his friends doing nasty things, sometimes with a lot of alcohol involved, and he forced himself to sleep with random girls, he was willing to do anything that could help him forget about Leo for a minute.

 

But whenever he stayed alone, Leo's memory was haunting him. He imagined a thousand times what would happen if he called him and tell him that he can't do this anymore, that he goes crazy if he can't touch him anymore, that he needs him like a butterfly needs wings, like the ocean needs water and like a heart needs a beat. Would Leo want to meet him or would he reject him? Does he miss him too?

 

Neymar was sure Leo wasn't missing him. He seemed to be fine when he saw him in the dressing room. Neymar has always been the type that couldn't imagine that people can love him back or just somehow miss him, so he automatically thought that people were feeling well without him and sometimes he even felt like people are happier without him.

 

He could be very annoying and he knew it. And he always wanted to change it, but he never did. He said that if people like him then they'll accept him, and then he felt guilty for not being able to change so that it would be easier for people to be around him.

 

He thought about how many fans he has. The fans are nice. When he walks out the door hundreds of people are screaming his name, and they would give their life for him. But why did he feel alone then? Was it because of Leo? How is that possible that if he can't have one person around him then it's like no one would be there?

 

Leo was like chocolate. If you taste it once you can never get enough of it. That's how Neymar felt about him. He felt like if he wouldn't have tasted his lips then he wouldn't be missing them so much, because he wouldn't know what he is missing.

 

He had his friends though. But none of them could know about him and Leo. He wanted to tell it to someone so bad, sometimes when they asked him why he seems so gloomy, he opened his mouth to tell them. But then he remembered how seriously Leo asked him if he's worried about someone opening the bathroom door and seeing them in a distinctive situation, and he covered his sadness with a sour laugh. He stongly believed if he pretends to be happy then his mind will believe it too.

 

He gained some weight too. It's not that he was fat or something but his butt and his waist definitely got thicker, simply because he tried to fulfill the space Leo left in him by eating more. But he didn't mind it, people were always mocking him for being too thin, well, they didn't have a reason to do that anymore.

 

He was laying on his bed this time too, and he didn't even bother covering himself, he liked being cold. All he could think about was talking to Leo. He missed his little smile, his easily blushing cheeks and his brown eyes that always seemed so myterious.

 

He looked at the pillow next to him. How pathetic was the thing that came to his mind in that very moment, but he needed the relief, to get it all of his chest a little bit. He took the pillow in his hands and it didn't look like a pillow anymore, he imagined Leo's face on it.

„You will be Leo from now.” - he said twitching his mouth into a smile but he started crying over his own misery. His voice was trembling and sometimes he stuttered too, but he started talking.

 

„You know, my dear Leo.” - he started and he caressed the pillow's top as if it was Leo's hair.

„I never thought I'd say that but –

fuck you!

You gave me so much hope when you finally accepted me and you kissed me. I swear I never wanted to repeat that first kiss again, and I was so happy that you let me remain your friend, then why did you have to do that? Why did you have to rip open my old wounds? And you know what? I actually liked you for that, and I enjoyed it. I'm so fucking stupid!” - here he punched the pillow angrily.

„I bet you only cared about yourself. You were kind to me when you needed me, and you left me when you felt like it's the best thing for you! And I bet you made yourself feel better by thinking that you are only doing this for me, because it's the best for me too, but guess what? It isn't! I hate you, you fucking idiot!!” - he punched the pillow again.

 

„Oh Leo.” - he softened his voice. „I miss you so much and... and I think I love you!” - he hugged the pillow as strong as he could, and he couldn't hold his sobs back anymore, so he just let it all out, imagining that it's actually Leo's shoulder he is crying on.

 

The moon was brightly shining over Neymar's perfectly styled hair, but only his hair because his head was buried in a pillow with his shoulders rising up and down with each sobs.

 

 

And he cried because he realized that no one knows when or why, but he was madly and deeply in love with someone he could never have.


	17. Another Love

It was all new to Neymar that he knew and he felt that he was in love with Leo. And it was something he never felt before. Something inexplainable yet incredibly strong. Last time when he claimed he was in love was nothing compared to this. And maybe he's always been this way, he was just not ready to admit it.

 

But love is unselfish. And he knew, or more like he thought that it's better if he just keeps it to himself because Leo doesn't want him and doesn't love him and this feeling will go away once.

He only cared about Leo and his happiness, and he accepted that his happiness is not beside him but beside someone else. Yes, that felt like the right thing to say and think.

 

But then why was he feeling like he was burning inside, and like it was the most painful thing he has ever experienced?

 

Leo was different. His feelings have always been blunter than the ther people's. When he loved someone he never felt the passion. He just knew he loved them and that was it.

 

He missed Neymar. But he accepted that he had to move on. Being with him made him lose his mind, and he thought he was more mature and more professional than that.

 

But the fixing his relationship with Anto thing failed again. She was so cold with him, like she knew that there was someone else in Leo's life who made him feel loved, but of course that was impossible, no one knew except them. She always spent her days going out with friends and she often left Thiago at home so Leo could spend more time with him, and that was really nice, Thiago was the most important thing in Leo's life.

 

If he would have stayed with Neymar and Anto had figured it out then one of the parents would have left the house, and that would be the worst thing that can happen to a kid, and Leo had to consider that too, in fact that was the one thing that kept him back from calling Neymar or meeting Neymar every time he felt the longing unbearable. He just had to look at his son and it disappeared, it's easy like that.

 

Sometimes when he stayed alone with Thiago he thought about Neymar's son and that their kids never got the chance to get to know each other, to play together and show each other their toys, just the casual things that two little boy can do together.

 

Leo smiled at the thought that they would be like their dads when they first met and none of them knew the other's language and they were trying so hard to make each other understand what they wanted to say, but somehow they always ended up laughing at it. So good that Neymar has learned Spanish and they didn't have that problem anymore, or maybe sometimes they did in deeper conversations but Leo always helped him and that was good for both of them.

 

Or at least he used to help him because they didn't allow themselves to notice the other, they were afraid that they couldn't stop at only talking and they ended up where they started. But that way always leads to nowhere.

 

 

Tough games were ahead of them, againt Manchester City and then against Real Madrid.Everyone was already focusing on El Clásico, even the players, but they had to play City first.

 

The game was going well, except that they missed all of their chances, they only scored one goal, which wasn't even scored by our favorite forwards but by Rakitic. Somehow they got very unlucky and the opponent's goalkeeper did an amazing job. Anyways, they won both of the games against them, which meant they were in the quarter finals.

 

After the game, in the bathroom, Neymar was doing something to his hair and he was all alone. How is that possible that Leo came in just in the moment Neymar was there? No one knows. Maybe it's fate. That they always meet there. So, Leo came in and the atmosphere just got very awkward because they couldn't help but think about the last time they met there.

„Sorry I... just wanted to.” - Leo couldn't even finish what he wanted to because Neymar immediately cut him off.

„It's okay.” - he said.

„By the way... I forgot to wish you good luck before the game like I always do and it felt kinda weird so... congrats. You played well.” - Leo said.

Neymar started laughing.

„Yeah, I thought about our good luch hug before the game too but... I played well? No, I was awful. And you know it.”

„That makes two of us.” - Leo answered tilting his head.

Neymar always hated when Leo talked about himself in such an underrating way, but he decided that starting the usual praising that he is the best ever and his idol blah blah blah, would not have been inappropiate so in a big hurry he just said „Bye.” and he ran out of the bathroom.

 

Leo shook his head. He looked at the sink. Neymar left something there. Leo lifted it up and started reading it. „Extra strong hair gel” was written on it.

He thought he should give it back to him.

 

„Neymar?” - he said when he walked out of the bathroom and he went straight to the locker.

Neymar suddenly got very excited. He thought Leo wanted to tell him something important or that he changed his mind and he wants to be with him again, but...

„You left this on the sink.” - Leo said, handing the hair gel to Neymar, who suddenly felt very stupid for thinking that Leo Messi still cares about him.

„Thank you.”-he answered. There was that one moment, when Leo gave him the hair gel and their hands touched, that felt like there was electricity between them, it burned Neymar's skin, but it was a positive kinda burning, if that's even possible.

 

Leo and Neymar probably stared at each other for too long in that moment, because Gerard found them and he wrapped his long arms around them.

„Guuuuys. What is this buzzkiller mood? We won! And you know what it means! - Gerard said.

„Geri, please don't say what you are about to say.” - Leo said closing his eyes.

„PARTYYYYY!” - Gerard screamed.

„NOOOOO” - everyone else answered. Leo was saved.

„Fine, then No Party, you all are too boring anyways.” - Geri groaned with a pouty face.

Neymar slapped his nape.

„We're tired, Geri. Maybe next time.” - he said, but then he felt someone aggressively bumping into him.

 

„Woah, be careful.” - Neymar said turning around. It was Luis.

„Yeah, I could have told you that a hundred times today too.” -Luis answered.

„What do you mean?”

„That you could have scored a lot easily.”

„You didn't score either. Plus, you never passed me the ball when I was standing there alone!”

„BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING BOTTLER!” - Luis shouted this time.

Neymar was sure he never got so angry before, so he did something that wasn't like him. He lifted his hand to punch him. They weren't on a good term with Luis lately and he was aware of the fact that he wasn't really in goal-scoring form lately, and maybe it was too much for him to handle. But before he could make a huge mistake and actually punch him, Leo stood between them.

„Heeey, stop! What are you two doing?” - he asked grabbing Neymar's hand in the air.

„Nothing, I just...” - Luis started, but Leo cut him off.

„Luis just.. leave please. I got this.” - Leo said. He was the only person Neymar and Luis always listened to, and he knew he'd be successful this time too.

Neymar just realized that everyone was looking at them.

Leo reproachingly looked around, straight in their eyes, and suddenly everyone started doing something else like Leo and Neymar wouldn't even exist.

 

„What the hell is wrong with you? - Leo asked.

„With me? Nothing. He came here to insult me!

„But you wanted to punch him, you can't do that to anyone no matter what they say!”

Neymar crossed his arms over his chest.

„Look at that! Leo Messi still cares what I'm doing. How come?”

„Neymar, why the hell are you trying to make this about us?”

„Maybe it is...”

Leo frowned.

„Why?”

„Well, you let me believe that you need me, just when I started being okay with the fact that we are only friends. And then you told me that we have to stop it. Of course I won't be happy.”

„But... you said you think that was the right decision to make too.”

„I lied.” - Neymar whispered trying to make the scariest face he could.

„You... shouldn't be lying to me.”- Leo said hardly swallowing.

„Says the man who's every action is a lie.” -Neymar answered and that was Leo's breaking point.

„For heaven's sake stop being so cocky for one fucking moment, or...” - he grabbed Neymar by his waist and pulled him closer, and he just realized what a terrible mistake he made.

„Or what?” - Neymar asked, and he was surprised by the hoarseness of his own voice. They looked at each other's lips. Oh fuck. The tension. The sexual tension was almost lighting them on fire, and Neymar was always bad at handling these things.

 

„Ney...”

„Leo?”

There was no escape. Their heads were so close that their lips were almost touching. All Leo wanted to do is to kiss him already, to feel Neymar's tongue dancing around his, to touch him wherever he wants to. He was aware of the others being around them, although they were not looking, Leo was sure that if they kissed they would notice.

„We have to get out of here.” - he said biting his lip just to hold himself back

Neymar nodded.

„Let's go to my house.” - he answered shakily.

At any other condition Leo would have said no without any thinking, but this time that seemed like the best idea he had ever heard.

 

The trip was painful, it seemed like the longest trip they ever experienced, but they had to go separately otherwise the media would be dwelling on what they did and why they did that and that was something that they wanted to avoid even when they were eager to be together.

 

When Neymar arrived they went straight to the bedroom. The place they always refused to be at.

Neymar was so nervous he didn't know what to wear or what to do how to wait for him like should he be standing or sitting on the bed? And why did he even go to the bedroom?

So he just took out some vanilla scented candles of the bedside and lit them all, and then placed them at everywhere he could. He determined that it was the cheesiest thing ever and that Leo probably won't appreciate it. And that his intentions were way to obvious.

 

When Leo arrived too, he first couldn't find Neymar, so he started screaming „NEYMAR” and Neymar answered screaming that „IN THE BEDROOM”

 

Leo frowned thinking about Neymar being in the bedroom, but he didn't really mind. Not anymore.

When he arrived,

he closed the door and turned around. What he saw was a room lighted by at least twenty little candles, and his eyes opened wild. Then he smelled the vanilla that was all over the room.

„Vanilla is my favorite.” - he said and he let out a weak giggle.

Neymar smiled and this was real smile, his eyes were sparkling and he tried to be as adorable as he could.

„I know.” - he said and he flirtatiously licked and bit his lower lip.

Leo sighed.

„I think we need to talk.” - he started, but he felt Neymar's hands on his shoulders pining him against the door, and before he could say anything Neymar bent down and eagerly kissed him, so eagerly that soon they both ran out of breath and they had to stop. In that moment Leo finally could speak again, althought he was gasping and still looking for air.

„I thought we agreed on not doing this anymore.”

Neymar suddenly felt something heavy sitting on his chest. He took a step back. Damn he fucked it up, he misundertood Leo. Maybe Leo really just wanted to talk and all these candles just made him look even more stupid than he already did. But then why did he kiss him back?

Leo took a step forward because he felt like Neymar was standing too far from him. He grinned.

„I didn't say that we should keep it.”

 

Neymar fell into his arms, his lips open, sliding his tongue directly into his mouth. Hi body felt so supple arching against Leo and Leo wrapped his arms around his back drawing him closer. Neymar could feel his strenght and that made him feel so comfortable and so safe that he was sure that nothing bad can happen to him as long as he stays in Leo's arms.

 

The height difference was becoming uncomfortable and Leo started pushing Neymar backwards, step by step, each step followed by a reassuring caress on Neymar's back, until Neymar felt the bed bumping into his leg and Leo bent him over laying him down, with one of his hands under his head and the other under his back just to make sure that when he lands it wont be painful. Neymar felt a pillow under his head and he couldn't help but smile because that was his Leo pillow, the pillow that was so frequently punched and then soaked with tears just because Leo couldn't be there with him, and now he was there laying on top of him, with his hand still ironically under his head.

 

Leo looked at him because he felt his smile on his lips.

„What's that?” - he asked.

Neymar shook his head. Leo may didn't think he was crazy in that moment, but if he ever found out about the pillow he certainly would.

„ I just can't stay away from you no matter how hard I try.” - Neymar answered, and he was telling the truth. Sort of.

Leo smiled too.

„I can't stay away from you either.”

„But.... If I want to be honest I don't even want to.” - Neymar said and Leo was afraid that he might start overexplaining it just like he always did, so he shut him up by kissing him again.

 

It started as a slow and gentle kiss but it became sloppy and messy with their tongues tasting and curling around the other's begging for more and more. Neymar grabbed the bottom of Leo's shirt and started slipping it up revealing more and more of Leo's back. Getting naked was also prohibited before, but this time everything was allowed.

 

Leo lifted his arms up to help him pull it over his head, and now he was half naked. Neymar strongly wrapped his thights around his waist and with a fast movement he changed their position, and now he was on the top and Leo was laying beneath him between his thighs. Neymar didn't wait for Leo to undress him, he quickly took his shirt off and carelessly dropped it on the floor.

 

He remembered his first team about Leo, and he started doing the exact same thing to him. He started at his neck, lazily kissing and sucking on it, and when he heard Leo's first moan he knew he could go further. He went to his shoulder first, then to his chest, and he stopped at his nipple and closed his mouth around it, with his hand gently massaging his other nipple. Then he started kissing his way down his stomach, flicking his tongue out with each kiss.

„Neymar.” - Leo let out a shaky moan and that made Neymar even more turned on.

 

He went back to Leo's lips but he streched his pelvis against his, letting him know how aroused he has become, how aroused they both have become. Neymar slipped his hand in Leo's pants and started stroking him slowly through the boxer. Leo moaned again.

 

Neymar moved downwards, and he unzipped Leo's pants. He grabbed both the pants and the boxer and he started pulling them off, leaving kisses on Leo's naked thighs every time the pants slipped lower and lower.

 

Neymar looked at Leo's face to know what he was thinking, but he realized again that knowing Leo's thought were impossible. Curious and investigative eyes were looking back at him, but he showed no sign of any kind of negative feeling and Neymar just knew that he was okay with all that.

 

Neymar hadn't done anything like that before and he was sure that he would fuck it up, but the target was to satisfy Leo and he had to start it somehow.

 

Leo moaned Neymar's name as he swirled his tongue lightly over his tip, and he started teasing him with long licks and slow strokes, and he started smirking when Leo got a fistful of his hair and shakily kept his head there, letting Neymar know that he wants more.

 

So Neymar didn't hesitate. He took him fully into his mouth with his right hand twisting around his base as he bobs.

Leo let go of his hair and he moaned „Fuck.” as he grabbed the sheet with one of his hands and bit his fist with the other.

 

Neymar kept on sucking on him and stroking him with his hand, focusing on not using his teeth and most importantly not starting to gag.

 

Leo's moaning became more and more messy and Neymar knew he was coming, so he was moving even faster. But Leo had other plans.

„Stop!” -he screamed. Neymar immediately stopped and he thought he did something wrong.

„What is wrong?” - he asked. Leo comfortingly smiled at him.

„Nothing.” - he sat up and slipped his fingers under Neymar's chin, pulling him closer to him until they lips touched. Then just like Neymar did before, he grabbed him and placed him under himself, and now he was on top again. He helped Neymar take his pants off too. Neymar looked at him with desire burning in his eyes, spreading his legs wide open.

Leo hesitated.

 

„Are you sure?” - he asked.

„Yes.” - Neymar answered, but he didn't think it through, or not as much as he should have.

„Okay.” - Leo whispered against his mouth and closed his lips on Neymar's.

 

He tightened on of his hands on Neymars hips and clenched his other hand around his dick, slowly jerking him off. It almost felt nice, Neymar was even softly moaning, but his moan turned into a painful scream when Leo finally entered him.

 

That was something else. A level of pain Neymar never felt before. He even forgot to breathe and tears were gathering in the corner of his eyes.

Leo got very scared.

„Neymar! Neymar are you okay?”

Neymar didn't answer he just whined and and whimpered below him.

„Do you want me to pull it out?” - Leo asked.

Neymar shook his head but he was still unable to say something or to at least breathe.

„Fuck, I'll pull it out.” - Leo said, and that's when Neymar came back to reality.

„DON'T YOU DARE TO DO THAT!” - he screamed more loudly than he wanted to. He had to do that for Leo. He always thought about sex as something that was the peak of relationships. It was all about two people focusing only at each other, not only their bodies but their sould colliding as well. And he wanted that with Leo. And he wanted to please him too, to see him coming because of him, screaming HIS name.

 

Leo soothingly kissed Neymar's shoulder and he took his hand that was painfully stretching against his chest in his hand, and slowly put in beside them, intertwining their fingers as he fell on his elbow. Even thought Neymar was in pain he gathered all his strenght and he wrapped his legs around Leo's waist, giving him a better entrance.

 

And then Leo started moving very slowly. Neymar was afraid he starts screaming again, so he bit the first thing that came to his mouth – Leo's shoulder. Leo let him to do that even though he knew it was gonna leave a mark and that if Neymar continues like that he will start bleeding under his teeth, but he didn't care, and he didn't stop moving.

 

Leo was moving in and out kissing Neymar's neck as if he could wipe away his pain with kisses, and Neymar indeed felt better with his lips and his breath on his neck, but damn why did that have to hurt so much? And when will he get used to it? It was almost unbearable, but he would rather faint than tell Leo to stop, now that they were there he can't be the one who ruins it.

 

Neymar let go of Leo's shoulder and he started focusing on his breathing instead. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Finally he started getting used to something being inside him, and Leo was moving faster and faster and thrusting deeper and deeper. Then Neymar felt something. Pleasure. Something happened and he couldn't help but moaning.

 

That's when Leo knew he found what he wanted. He let go of Neymar's hands and started hitting that spot that gave the pleasure to Neymar. Neymar immediately put his hands on Leo's back, slowly stroking and caressing it.

„Leo... I.... Ohh...” - Neymar mumbled incoherently, making Leo smirk against his neck.

Neymar felt so exquisitely tight and warm around him, clenching his muscles hard to keep him inside him that he was sure he wouldn't last any longer, but as it seemed Neymar was feeling the same too. He reached down and pulled Neymar's legs even higher, and started thrusting even deeper with his waist moving up at down at each trust. Neymar was moaning unconditionally and he grabbed the sheets keeping himself at his place.

 

„Leo... I... I'm coming!” - he moaned and Leo started jerking him off again, letting him cum in his hand.

The orgasm was something Neymar had never felt before. Like he was flying with millions of stars around him. His legs were shaking, his breath was uncontrollable, he moaned and whined like never in his life, and he was certain it was his most intensive orgasm ever.

 

Then Leo slowed down and all he asked was:

„Inside or outside?”

Neymar was still shaking, trying to regain his breath.

„Inside.” - he whispered and Leo nodded. And with his final thrusts, he came too, inside Neymar like he told him to, screaming Neymar's name. Neymar was staring at him fascinated as he came, almost getting emotional over the fact that he was the one who did all that, who gave him so much pleasure that he came screaming his name, and in that moment he just saw him so beautiful and so precious, that he barely could control his feelings. Leo finally opened his eyes and lifted his head up. He stared at Neymar and he ran his finger through his hair until he reached his jawline. He just realized how sweaty and tired they became, Neymar's hair was sticking into his forehead and he was still kinda gasping, and Leo suddenly felt himself so heavy and so tired like they were after a game or something, but he just stayed there looking into Neymar's eyes enjoying the feeling of that precious young boy beneath him.

„Leo?” - Neymar started.

„Hmm?”

„I love you.” - Neymar said and he regretted it right away. It was too soon Leo will get scared and he will run away and then he will have to explain him that he didn't mean like that he just loves being with him, and damn, why is he stupid? He always ruins the moment. He was already planning on how will he punish himself for that.

 

Leo got a little bit surprised by the unexpected love confession. He never thought about loving Neymar before. He was his first thought when he woke up and his last thought before he went to bed, and he was going crazy whenever he couldn't be with him but love? That was something very complicated.

 

„I love you too.” - Leo answered smiling and he bent down to kiss Neymar's lips.


	18. Another Love 2

„I can't believe you're here.”

That was the first thing Neymar said after 15 minutes of silence.

„I can't believe I am here either.” - Leo answered smiling.

They were lying in Neymar's huge bed, turning to each other, with their legs intertwined and their hands sometimes occasionaly wandering over the other's bare arm or chest. No one could actually tell that was their first time doing that, everything came so naturally like they were used to lying looking at each other after having a mind-blowing sex.

Yes, mind-blowing, or at least that's what it felt like.

 

They barely could talk, they just enjoyed getting lost in each other's eyes, and when they did so then the negativity just faded away like it wouldn't exist. Like there were no rules, no responsibilities, and most importantly, no other people. It was only them in their own little world, and oh god how they wished it could stay that way, and they refused to think about the fact that it has to end once.

 

Neymar wasn't quite feeling well, his body was aching and he felt really tired, but there was no way he would have admitted that, and he could only hope that Leo doesnt notice his restrained yawns.

But the thing is, Leo knew him better as Neymar thought, or we can say he has been observing him for long enough to know whatever mood he was in, so of course he noticed.

„You can sleep if you want to. ” - he said softly.

Neymar shook his head.

„I'm not sleepy.”

„Yes you are, I know it.”

„I don't want to sleep.” - Neymar sighed.

„Why not?”

For one moment, Leo could see Neymar's eyes tearing up and turning darker, and his lips shaking before he could answer. Neymar took Leo's hand in his hand and it helped him hold back the tears.

„Because if I fall asleep time will speed up and I can't enjoy being here with you any longer, and you might as well be gone when I wake up and that could mean you will never lay here in this bed with me. I just want to enjoy the moment.”

„Neymar...” - Leo started but he could't bring up any good reasons why Neymar wasn't right. He hardly exhaled through his mouth. „Okay then. I'm not gonna force you I just wanted to let you know that you look tired. Come here.” - he laid on his back and let Neymar lay his head on his chest. He sealed his arms around Neymar and placed a kiss on his head. „I will be here when you wake up. I promise.” - he whispered.

Leo's scent, the wartmth of his body beneath him and his soothing words were enough to defeat Neymar's inner rebel and make him fall asleep in that very moment. Even in his sleep he was weakly holding onto Leo's chest like he was afraid that he leaves him, and that made Leo very sad.

 

Here is this young man who worships him so much that it's almost painful to watch, and he would do anything for him and all he wants in return is some love and understanding. Leo felt his heart aching from that thought. He will never get used to someone loving him this way. And he knew, that the night will end once, and when tomorrow come they can't stay the way they were then. They gonna have to grow up and face the reality: that them having a normal relationship is basically impossible. Maybe he couldn't use his „it's not right” card anymore, because even if we say it's right there were just so many things in their way. Their fame, their fans, their friends, their family... Antonella.

 

Antonella. What will she say when he goes home... well, not when he was supposed to? They had many fights not even so long ago when she accused him of cheating on her. How ironic, he kept on denying it for so long and so hard, and now he actually did it. He is a terrible human being, and he felt terrible. People always thought he was a good guy, that he would never be capable of doing something scandalous. If they saw him now they all would be disgusted. This is not an idol material but a catastrophy.

 

But at the same time, he heard Neymar's breathing. He wasn't snorting but his breaths were really loud every time he exhaled, like he was nervous or worried about something, and that made Leo feel protective over him, he couldn't stop caressing his skin and placing soft kisses all over his forehead.

 

He promised him he will be there when he wakes up but... he had to go. But Neymar was still on top of him and that made it kinda difficult. How can he pull himself out without waking him up. Seemed impossible. But he had no choice he had to try. He grabbed the pillow Neymar was lying on earlier, and slowly pulled himself out, replacing his body with the pillow. And somehow subconsciously Neymar trusted him so much, that he indeed didn't wake up, just like Leo planned it. But this made everything just harder. Isn't it beautiful having someone trust you so much? Because Leo thought it is, although he hated it. These cases always end up with someone being heartbroken, and broken hearts were not exactly the thing Leo wanted to leave behind.

 

He looked around. Clothes were on the floor like everywhere in the room. He made some noise collecting his own clothes so he decided to dress up outside the room. He closed the door behind himself and put on his clothes. He didn't expect to meet everyone there. Everything was so dark, but he didn't want to switch on the lightes, he trusted himself that he knows Neymar's house well enough to find his way out without switching on the lights. Suddenly he bumped into something noticeably taller than him, and he heard the clicking of the lights.

 

There was a Brazilian guy standing in front of him, with just as scared facial expression as he had. He stared at each other with eyes wide open for at least 20 seconds before one of them could find something to say.

„Umm. Who are you?” - Leo started. The guy was still staring at him like he saw a ghost. Great. So he is indeed Brazilian, and he doesn't understand what Leo is saying. No way he can explain him that he was just.. telling Neymar a good night tale or something, he will be thinking what anyone would think finding someone sneaking out of someone's bedroom in the middle of the night.

„Messi.” - the guy whispered and his face suddenly turned very pale.”

„Yeah... Messi.” - Leo said and the guy probably understood those two words because he swallowed.

„It was nice to meet you but... I have to go now.” - Leo said and he ran out of the house like never before.

 

Damn, that was awkward. Who was that? Probably one of Neymar's weird friends he was always hanging out with. Why didn't Neymar tell him about him? They should have avoided meeting him. Leo was actually worried. This guy could tell someone that he saw him at Neymar's house at night and it would be only a matter of time until the media hears about it too.

 

When he got home he thought Anto was sleeping. The whole house seemed quiet and dark. When he opened the bedroom door she was lying on the bed with closed eyes, but when she heard the door opening she sat up.

„I thought you were sleeping.” - Leo said.

„Sleeping? How could I sleep when I don't know where you are?”

„I was... celebrating with the guys. You, know because we won.”

„I know you won, I was watching the game. You should have told me that you will come home later.”

Leo couldn't look into her eyes. He was never that 'liar' type and it was really hard for him not to tell the truth. But maybe telling the truth would have been even harder.

„I know and I'm... sorry I forgot to call you.”

Anto sighed. She seemed like she believed him, and that's a really good thing.

„Okay, just... come to sleep now.”

„Actually, I'm not that tired so...”

„Leo!! Come... and sleep.” - Anto seemed serious about this. Leo didn't like being told what to do but this time he had no choice, so he obeyed.

 

But he couldn't fall asleep. He was thinking about Neymar, and wondered if he woke up after he left. And what about the guy he saw there? Will he talk about it with him? He didn't even know how things worked between Neymar and his friends.

 

When he next looked at the clock it was already 7 am, and he didn't sleep for a minute. Anto was still sleeping. If he successfully sneaks out of the house without making any noise he can be there when Neymar wakes up.

 

And that's exactly what he did. He took a cold shower and dressed up, and he was in such a hurry that he even forgot that people sometimes needed to eat. He was praying that he finds Neymar's door open and that he won't meet any other weird Brazilian guy in the living room or anywhere else.

 

The door was just like he left it, open. He had that very useful ability that he didn't make any noise while walking, and this time he really needed it. Neymar was still sleeping in his room, right in the position Leo left him in. But he was... talking. At first Leo thought he was awake and he was ready to apologize for leaving him, but when he said „Good morning” he didn't get an answer.

„No... please... don't leave” - Neymar said, and now Leo was sure he was talking in his sleep.

Leo went closer to the bed and he stood on his knees, leaning his elbows on the bed, and he wondered if watching someone while he's sleeping was rather creepy or romantic. He didn't intend to be none of these.

„Why would you do that? Why do you always hurt me?” - Neymar continued.

Leo freaked out. Hurt him? Who?

„NOOOOOO.” - Neymar screamed like someone was torturing him. Leo grabbed his shoulder and started shaing him.

„Neymar!! Neymar, wake up!”

Neymar's eyes suddenly opened and he was gasping for air, looking confusedly at Leo. Leo hugged him to his chest.

„Shh. Don't worry it was just a dream.”

„Leo... are you... I know. It was just a dream.” - Neymar whispered against his chest.r ru

„But what were you dreaming about? Seemed very intense.”

 

Neymar shook his head. He couldn't tell him the truth, that he always dreamed about Leo leaving him and never coming back.

„Like you said, it was just a dream. Forget it. Please.”

„Okay... if that's what you want...”

Neymar rubbed his eyes.

„These are not the clothes you were wearing last night...”

„I know... I went home to change them.”- and before Neymar could ask more questions, he continued. „I saw someone in your living room... a guy. I guess he is your friend but... why didn't you tell me that we weren't alone? He saw me coming out of here and I didn't talk to him but I guess he knows what is going on. You should have warned me...”

„Okay, first of all my friends are allowed to come here whenever they want to, I don't control them. And second, whoever it was, he wont tell it to anyone. I trust them and you have to trust me now.”

„But... I hope you know that we have to keep it in secret. No one can figure it out. Understood?”

Neymar nodded. He didn't like keeping it in secret. He wanted to let the world know that he loves Leo Messi and he, probably likes him too, he wanted to be proud of it.

 

Leo saw the signs of sadness in Neymar's eyes so he switched to his softer voice.

„Are you okay?” - he asked.

Neymar decided not to let him know about his secret wishes, so he changed the topic.

„We have training today right?”

„Right.” - Leo nodded.

„Then... I'll go and get ready.” -Neymar said, but when he stood up he felt an icredible pain at his lower parts. He was limping and he got scared of that so he started whining.

Leo could imagine what he was feeling. He supportively put his arm on his shoulder.

„Are you okay?” - he asked.

„I didn't know the morning afters were so painful...” -Neymar answered.

„You know what? I think you should skip this traning.” - Leo put his other arm under Neymar's legs and lifted him up.

„What? No! We have to play Real Madrid soon!”

„That's exactly the reason you have to rest now.” - Leo said, and he put Neymar down on the bed. He stayed bending over him, soothingly caressing his face. „I'm sorry.” - he said.

„For what?”

„I did this to you... I should have known...”

„No... It's okay... don't blame yourself. It totally worth the pain.” - Neymar wanted to add that he would do it all over again, but he wasn't sure it was what Leo wanted too.

„It will get easier. Everything will get easier.” - Leo said and he gently kissed Neymar.

Neymar wrapped his arms around his neck not allowing him to stay gentle, and he bit Leo's lip that forced Leo to open his lips so that Neymar could slid his tongue into his mouth. Leo moaned into the kiss, but he pulled his head back.

„I have to go to training.” - he murmured.

„I know.”

 

 

„Where is Neymar?” - the others were wondering in the dressing room.

„He... he wasn't feeling well so he stayed at home.” - Leo said. Everyone looked at him with a how-do-you-know look.

Leo stuttered.

„He sent me a message.”

„Why did he sent it to you and not to me?” - Dani asked.

Leo felt that he would be brushing soon so he just shugged and turned back to his locker.

 

This hiding thing will be harder than he thought.


End file.
